Mike Gravel Still Waiting for Cabinet Appointment
"Biden, Clinton, Richardson," said failed presidential candidate Mike Gravel. "I'm next." President-elect Obama had no comment on the issue, and would not return Gravel's calls.
written by Brian Matthews, 08 December 2008
Bouncing Czech
Jiri Kovanda, A Czech performance artist who brushes past people in the street is one of the attractions at an exhibition in Florida. Police have not yet caught him, although he has touched-up many.
written by IN SEINE, 08 December 2008
Immigrant TV
The UK is to launch a new channel on Freeview - the Immigrant Channel. The first programme to launch it will be called 'I'm an Immigrant, Let Me In'.
written by IN SEINE, 08 December 2008
Bush Exit Interviews Popular
The President Bush exit interviews are proving to be very popular. Consensus is that they would have been even more popular if they had been given four years ago.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
The Big Three
The BIG THREE automaker CEO's agree to cut saleries, try their best to shed some pounds, if given bailout money.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Somali
Somali pirates have captured the Capain Nemo Underwater Explorer at Disney World in Orlando, Florida.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Willy's Spirit Free
Both PETA and the ASPCA are investigating the death of a whale during the live off-Broadway theater performance of "Free Willy."
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
South Rising Again
Virginia: Terrorists are being blamed for replacing fake bullets with real ammo in Cival War re-enactment there.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Case Thrown Out
A judge in Montana has thrown out of court a case against a Helena man after the defense used hand puppets to replay the murder scene.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Plagues In Texas
The state of Texas, plagued by hurricanes, twisters, wildfires and drought ask the president not to retire there next month.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Swift Boat Vets Continue Their Hounding
Swift Boat Veterans show photographs of John Kerry double-parked in Denver, Colorado last week.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Bush Names Jokers
On Capitol Hill, President George Bush ripped into Democrats for their off-color drilling jokes.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Parents Long Gone
In a speech today, Barack Obama urged black grandmothers to do the very best job they can at raising grandchildren.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Jonathan Ross Will Be Made To Work For His Wages !
BBC Bosses claim Jonathan Ross, will NOW work for every penny you pay the BBC. He will be performing manual labour for every TV licence holder e.g cleaning windows, unblocking toilets...
written by Phil Edgar's Bones, 08 December 2008
Dunkin Donut Holes
A woman broke into a Dunkin Donuts and stole five boxes of donut holes. When police arrested her, she admitted to the 'hole' thing.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Here Comes The 'Bailout' Bandwagon
Well with every company trying to jump on the 'bailout' bandwagon it was just a matter of time. Now, the Bail Bonds industry wants a 'bailout' also.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Malaysia Bans Yos
Malaysia has banned Yoga chants. This will be followed by forbidding all Yos such as Yogi Bear, Yogi Berra, Yogurt, Yoko Ono, Yodelers, Yokohama and Yoyos. Watch out Hos you're next!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 December 2008
You Gotta Watch Them West Virginia Women
A 58-year-old West Virgina woman has been arrested for having illicit sex with a 'miner.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
The Horny Caribou
Climate crisis experts warn that Canada's caribou herds are dwindling down considerably. In fact, one game warden said, "It's sad, I've seen caribou so desperate that they're mating with squirrels."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
French Students Vandalise Muslim Graves
In a typical Gallic display of frog logic, French students have vandalised Muslim graves at a cemetery near Arras after China protested against President Sarkozy meeting with the Dalai Lama.
written by Rusty, 08 December 2008
The Astounding Talking Newborn
A 70-year-old woman in India gives birth to a baby girl. The baby named Ouchy came out already talking and her first words were, "Holy cow, you would not believe the wrinkles in that place!"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
$7,500 Minus $115 = $7,385
A retired New York City man spent $7,500 to fight a $115 traffic ticket. He told a New York Times reporter, "Hey, what can I say, I have always been kind of stupid when it comes to math."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Mickey D's McSecret
Sales in McDonalds Restaurants jumped 7.7 percent worldwide. A McDonalds spokeswoman said, "We attribute most of it to the fact that we've added an extra three sesame seeds to each of our buns."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
The New Unbelievable Doll From Mattel
New from Mattel: 'The Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Gotta Go Doll.' Complete with bathroom playset it goes #1 and #2. What's next? 'The Little Mommy Look Everyone I'm Finally Growing Tits Doll.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Camptown Ladies Persistent
"Eau De Do Dah Day" still ranks #1 as the all-time favorite cologne of the citizens of Camptown, Pennsylvania.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
The European Short Story Contest
A woman from Barcelona, Spain, who stands 4 foot 8 has just won this year's 'European Short Story Contest.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Gore's Latest Environmental Advice
Al Gore: Remember people, the only thing we have to fear is......well, I think that's the Reaper I see coming down the street.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Bilingual Police Dogs
Boston police are looking for thieves who stole three police dogs. A BPD spokesperson said that the dogs were working 'undercover.' Police need the three Chihuahuas back by noon today.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Few Bad Apples
Wall Street reports that there is no need for any panic sales by investors. So far, only a few bad apples have jumped off the roof.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Huge Bank Recall
Banks in trouble around the nation have announced the recall this morning of over one million toasters and nearly fifty million kid's lollipops.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Wiped-Out Town May Rebuild
The final cost estimate is finally in on that Arkansas town that was completely wiped out by a tornado this past summer. It comes to nearly $110,000.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Karen Matthews Dedicates Comedy Award to Alan Carr
Rubbish mother and media demon, Karen Matthews dedicated her 'comedy mum of the year' award to Alan Carr. The audience were both 'shocked' and 'disgusted' at her dedication choice.
written by Phil Edgar's Bones, 08 December 2008
Houseseller's Up
Report from JAMA Magazine reveals that the average real estate agents ass size has jumped nearly 50% over the past year from sitting around office.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Bruno The Amazing Human Pretzel
Police in Chicago have arrested a contortionist with the Phineas & Penelope Fitch Traveling Carnival. It seems that Bruno the Amazing Human Pretzel, in a fit of rage, bit off one of his own ears.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Holiday Tip
Longtime Consumer Agency study warns consumers that the two-for-one shoe sales are no bargain when the first pair costs you $500.00. (Your tax money at work)
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Forgotten Cause
Woman in Detroit, Michigan says she has completely forgotten what the yellow awareness bracelet on her wrist represents.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
30-2-11-22-7-10
Actuary releases longtime report that 30-2-11-22-7-10 is America's favorite lottery number, followed closely by 12-17-8-29-42-5. Then he went home and blew his brains out.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Gold Climbs Against Food Stamps
The price of gold went to nearly $800 per ounce last week. That's $1000 in food stamps to most of us.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Economy Collapse
Collapse of economy traced back to late eary 1950's man who promised to pay Tuesday for a hamburger today.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2008
Sarkozy-Dalai Lama Meeting
China has issued strong protests over the meeting of the Dalai Lama and French president Nicholas Sazkozy to discuss Tibet's entry into the EU in 2009.
written by Rusty, 08 December 2008
Rudolph Hess Dedicates Comedy Award to Hitler
Inept Nazi Rudolph Hess, shocked crowds at the comedy awards, by dedicated his 'gong' to Adolph Hitler. A spokesman for the ceremony said Hess's comments were 'inappropriate'.
written by Phil Edgar's Bones, 08 December 2008
Dead Comedian Arthur Askey Dedicates His Award To Lucifer
Bespectacled, dead, short, comedian Arthur Askey, stunned crowds by dedicating his comedy award to the Devil. The prime minister said he was both 'disgusted' and 'horny' at Askey's antics.
written by Phil Edgar's Bones, 08 December 2008
Gay Comic Dedicates Award To Celebrity Evil Slapper
Bespectacled, camp, comedian that I have never heard of, dedicated his 'comedy award',to Karen Matthews. Some people have predictably over-reacted and complained. Others don't give a shit.
written by Phil Edgar's Bones, 08 December 2008
Detroit, "Motown" now " Doh-Town".
"The Simpsons" scriptwritering industry move to Detroit has given the city a lease of life,and a new monicker- "Doh-Town'
written by jeremy griffiths, 08 December 2008
It Is Certainly Habit Forming
A nun at The Sacred Sisters of The Lake Veronica Nunnery has been arrested. The sister, who is being identified simply as Jill, has reportedly admitted to having a 'bad habit.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
The Girl Had A 'Cleats' Problem
The parents of a 16-year-old girl are suing the school district because she was not allowed to try out for the varsity football team. The coach replied, "Look, she 'insisted' on wearing high heels."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Joan of Arc (The Missing)
The city of Paris reports that the Joan of Arc statue has been stolen. City officials are asking the thief to return it, no questions asked...well maybe just two or three 'burning' questions.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
Funny Animals
The Annual Fort Worth 'Yes, Cows and Horses Also Have A Sense of Humor' seminar will be held on Thursday. The directors ask that everyone please refraim from making the usual 'laughing stock' jokes.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
When It Rains, It Pours (Like Hell)
The drought-stricken city of Nogales, Arizona cancelled last night's 'rain dance' because of the devastating thunderstorm.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 December 2008
New Treasure Trove from Reagan Papers
Conservative Hero Ronald Reagan's Presidential Papers have been released this week. Thousands of pages contained a single repeated sentence: The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over The Lazy Dog
written by Pointer, 08 December 2008
