Easy Pick N Mix
Woolworths was bought by Easyjet & EasyCruise today as affordable Pick & Mix is to be made available to the hungry masses.
written by Fuctifino, 14 December 2008
Dubya: Hell No I Won´t Go
George W Bush has refused to leave the White House & is claiming `Squatter´s Rights since Condo Leeza refused to accommodate him.
written by Fuctifino, 14 December 2008
97 Bodyguards Pounced On Him Like Stink on Shit
President Bush speaking at a Baghdad news conference had an angry man throw his two shoes at him. The man yelled, "This is a farewell kiss, you dog." Bush replied, "Bow-wow you missed me you mofo."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2008
SuperGord, Faster Than a Speeding Ballot
Gordon Brown to save world as Superman quits in cash for tights scandal.
written by Fuctifino, 14 December 2008
Victoria's Secret Sales Down
Victoria's Secret Stores say their sales are down. They blame slow economy plus trying to adjust to gay marriages.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Hell In A Handbasket
World War II vets say nation has been in recession for them since The Clinton years, gone to hell in a handbasket since invention of Rock & Roll in 1950's.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
McCain Was Abel
McCain says he was more than Abel to lead the United States out of recession and wars over the next eight years.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Jeremy Flees Chad
Thousands of refugees, Jeremy Clyde, flee Chad after huge outbreak of violence continues.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Rice Admits Delays
Condoleezza Rice admits that all out nuclear war in the Mideast over the weekend has set back peace talks for next year sometimes at the earliest.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Writer Declines to Publish Sarah Palin Snippet
Questioned why he chose not to publish the snippet, the prominent writer for The Spoof replied, "It's just too easy."
written by The San Francisco Onion, 14 December 2008
Halliburton Wins Bid
Halliburton announced this morning that they have won the bid to construct the new 100-foot nuclear-defense wall in Poland.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Monkey Business
Officials at the San Diego Zoo have finally given up and placed a placard on the bars of one cage with "Masterbating Monkey"
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Iraqi Spits at Bush as Apology
Spitting at someone is considered an apology to many Muslims. Meant to atone for throwing his shoes at President Bush, the apology was not well received.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 14 December 2008
O.J.'s Slow-Chase Part 2?
One of O.J. Simpson's prison guards says O.J. has been reading books about escape artists Harry Houdini, Criss Angel, and David Copperfield. There's a feeling he may be planning to escape.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2008
WalMart Rules!
Last week, the moon along with Jupitor and Venus created a smiley face in the nighttime sky. Astrologers predict WalMart will soon take over the whole world.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Rough Championship Bout
In Trenton, New Jersey, a new Tiddly Winks champion comes down hard and heavy and opens up a can of whupass on losing former champ.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Al-Qaeda #4 Traded
Al-Jazeera TV has reported that al-Qaeda has traded #4 to the Hamas for a #7, a #10 and a suicide bomber to be
martyred later.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Japan Accuses U.S.
The Japanese government has accused United States nuclear subs off coast of leaking radiation and creating at least one giant lizard.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Obama's New Security Codes
Barack Obama isn't even in the White House yet and already threats for his safety has caused a buildup in security. So far the codes are "Yellow, Red and Pantsuit".
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Mummy Guard Cracks
Tragedy at a Cairo museum yesterday as a night guard cracked and made himself a huge hammock out of mummy wrappings.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Putin Wants Presidency
From all appearances, Russia's Vladimir Putin wants to be president again as he just purchased current president Medvedev a nice new summer cottage in Chernobyl.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Another Boo-Cat Masterpiece
According to the front page headlines of The Broken Knot Gazette in Broken Knot, Idaho, a 217th Boo-Cat drawing has been completed and placed on the Gibson's refrigerator door with a magnet.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Mime's Cube Vandalized
A mime in Paris, France claims he woke up this morning to find his invisible cube had been heavily sprayed with graffiti during the night.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
High School Yearbook
School senior in Lakefront High School in Chicago, who had sex surgery during the summer, voted yearbook's "Most Changed".
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
The Ice-Ravaged Northeast
650,000 customers in the ice-ravaged Northeast still without power. Officials said, "'Bad news, good news.' The bad news is no electricity. The good news is the electric bills won't be so high."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2008
Want Double-Fried With That?
A McDonald's employee in Knoxville, Tennessee accused of double-frying everything on last day of work before entering dental school.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
The Sunken Vessel Smelled of Rice
Explorers find a 19th century schooner at the bottom of Lake Ontario. The ship is believed to be Japanese since it's cargo included chopsticks, cases of saki, and little bitty adult shoes.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2008
Yo Mama
Lone black student at West Virginia high school absolutely loaded with great "Yo Mountain Mama" jokes.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Bear Wallow Last Again
CDC: Burlington, Vt. has the highest percentage of healthy people in the U.S. while Bear Wallow, Ky. finished last. In response, The Wallowers say they don't give a shit as long as you got your teeth.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
NBA Rules Change?
Accoding to one insider, the National Basketball Association
are considering doing away with dribbling the ball completely.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Just in time for holidays
"Rod Blagojevich bribeable action figure" comes with a real dollar bill, senate seat, orange jumpsuit, and bonus wedding dress. Batteries not included (and you don't want to know where they go)...
written by Robin Berger, 14 December 2008
Last of the Summer Wine to End
Roy Clarke's long-running comedy 'Last of the Summer Wine', has come to an end following the death of Norah Batty today. Roy said, with tears in his eyes "You can't get the staff these days."
written by IN SEINE, 14 December 2008
Santa's Appeal
Santa Claus has warned that chimneys MUST be swept before he visits; he will boycott any that aren't as he cannot afford any cleaning bills due to the credit crunch.
written by IN SEINE, 14 December 2008
Five Gifts Can No Longer Be Given at Christmas
The Partrdge, the calling birds, the French hens, the Turtle Doves and the geese can no longer be given as Christmas presents - European Union vets claim the risk of passing on Avian Flu is too great.
written by IN SEINE, 14 December 2008
New Chocolate Vodka
New Russian chocolate-flavored vodka maintains that wonderful chocolately tasting goodness both going down and coming back up.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Home Schooling Mixed Results
Report: America's home schoolers, woefully lacking in world geography skills, can successfully name everything in every single room of the house.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Coffee Grinder Benefits
High speed coffee grinder not only brings out fresh coffee taste and smell but also sucessfully drowns out wife's early morning yap.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Bailiff's Xmas Bonus
While the UK may be mired in the shallows of a deepening recession and the credit crunch tightens the spending belt, court bailiffs say they're having their busiest Christmas run-up on record.
written by Rusty, 14 December 2008
Bum Raps Soup Kitchen
A Brooklyn, New York bum has sued the soup kitchen there, claiming that both the chicken soup and vanilla extract had been watered down.
written by Bureau, 14 December 2008
Crapper Rapper in Bat Offence Charge
UK Rapper Dizzee Rascal (aka Dildo Mills)is under investigation by police and the RSPCA for offences involving a bat. It is rumoured the charges are of an animal cruelty or sexual offence nature.
written by Rusty, 14 December 2008
Fifty Firefighters Tackle Blaze
Firefighters tackling a huge blaze at a pizza manufacturing company in the Dildo area of Smegmadale shortly before dawn told reporters it was the hottest fast food take-away they'd eaten this year.
written by Rusty, 14 December 2008
'The Oprah Winfrey Story'
Filming on 'The Oprah Winfrey Story' to start soon. Halle Berry was originally going to play Oprah, but producers said Halle is not fat enough. So they are going with Randy Jackson instead.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2008
'Hannity and Madonna'
Madonna says since Alan Combes is leaving 'Hannity and Combes' she would like to take his place. Hannity said that he would be fine with that, "Why not, we can rename the show 'Hannity and Vanity.'"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2008
Sacred Cow Dinner
Word out of New Delhi, is that the Indian Navy captured 23 Somalian pirates. When asked how they were doing, a naval spokesman said, "Well actually they have been fed...to some of our sacred cows."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2008
Meek believers to buy Vatican City
Memebers of the Society for Determined Meekness will buy the Vatican City to prove that they can inherit the earth, inspite of the Pope's recent declaration that it is impossible for them to do so.
written by whatinthe world, 14 December 2008
Ex prez Bush to buy Czech Republic
Ex US President George H W Bush has indicated he wants to buy the Czech Republic. Is it because of oil or coal resources? "No, its just an interesting country" he said. Now we can all get some sleep.
written by whatinthe world, 14 December 2008
Nigella lawson reveals her previous manhood
Cooking celebrity Nigella Lawson has revealed that she was sexually transformed from a male at the age of 23. She claimed that getting a celebrity profile was easier if she had nice breasts and ass.
written by whatinthe world, 14 December 2008
Jagger to buy the island of Martinique
Rolling Stone Mick Jagger has decided to buy the island of Martinique in the Carribean for an undisclosed sum. Why? "Because I felt like it, alright?" the angry Stone shouted. Jagger is such a pain.
written by whatinthe world, 14 December 2008
