A Jellyfish Sandwich
Jellyfish are invading beaches in The Gulf of Mexico, the Mediterranean, and Hawaii hurting tourism. A Honolulu hotel manager said, "I just hope we don't start seeing peanut butter fish."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Limbaugh, Coulter, & Hannity's New Show
Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and Sean Hannity to star in a new Fox reality show. The show will consist simply of the three sitting at a table and writing down the names of all the people they hate.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Barclay Sisters Sark Lark Ends
Reclusive Zillionaire tantrum twins, the Barclay sisters, are to end their Channel Islands Brecqhou-Sark Lark tax-dodging scheme and move operations to the Shetlands.
written by Rusty, 13 December 2008
Nearly 70 People Accidentally Shot
Over fifty people were injured and as many as twelve dead after a deer runs though the window of Texas hunting lodge during their annual target shoot and barbecue.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Gaza Gangsters Building Nuclear Weapons
Israeli is shitting kittens at news that Hamas' Gaza gangsters are developing nuclear weapons from mined deposits of Camelite, a highly radioactive rock found in abundant humps around the Gaza oases.
written by Rusty, 13 December 2008
O.J.'s Special Request
O.J. Simpson asks to be sent to a large prison in order to work in the records department and try to discover the real killer.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
The Unwanted Gary Coleman
Michelle Obama denies report she was going to hire Gary Coleman to be Sasha and Malia's bodyguard. Michelle said, "Truth be told, I better not even see that midget any where east of the Mississippi."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
They Don't Do Windows or Rear View Mirrors
SIGN ON A CAR REPAIR SHOP: All of our repairs are guaranteed 100%; except for the car ones.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Costa Rican Bananas
SIGN IN A GROCERY STORE: If you are going to handle our fruit, at least be discreet.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Elton John Loses His Libel Case
Elton John has lost his libel case against 'Guardian Weekend' magazine. A close friend said that Ellie was so upset that he spilled his frozen daiquiri all over his tiara.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen et. all Are Toast
Poor kids living in some of Chicago's ghettos are being told that Santa Claus won't be coming to town this year because that mean old Sarah Palin shot all of Santa's reindeer.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Amy Winehouse's Wagon
NEWS FLASH: Amy Winehouse was spotted at a London grocery store...and she was sober.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Oprah '200 and Counting' Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey, who's tips the scales at 200, told a close friend, 'You know girl, technically I'm not really overweight...I'm just way too damn short.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Britney Spears' Idol
Britney Spears stated that when she grows up she wants to be just like her idol, Madonna. Britney then added, "Except of course without all of the bullshit!"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Michael Jackson's Revealing Book
Michael Jackson is reportedly writing a book about, of all things, his gloved hand. The book's title is 'The Jackson Five.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Whale Song Translated
Marine biologists in California now say that they have decoded one whale song that is the most used. It has been translated as "Yo Ho Ho And A Bucket Of Krill!"
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Tonight on Immigrant TV
Viewers can see 'Bollyoaks' at 7:30pm.
written by IN SEINE, 13 December 2008
Hussein Caught By Surprise
A newly released report states that Saddam Hussein was caught completely off guard by the United States invasion, king snake in spider hole.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Amish Freshman Dead
At a comunity college near Phiadelphia, Pennsylvania, a young Amish freshman's death has been reported. Police say it apparently occurred during a haysing incident.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Carnival's Had Enough
Carnival Cruise Ships say they will no longer go anywhere near the area where Samoli pirates operate after nearly 2500 attacks. "Enough is enough" stated one Exec.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Indiana Jones Back Home
In Chicago, Illinois, the police have picked up an elderly wandering Indiana Jones from an alley there and taken him back to his home again, in Indiana.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Big Sale In Jersey
A locally well-known furniture store in New Jersey is celebrating it's 20th Anniversary with it's 50th Going Out Of Business Sale in January.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Obama Creates Sniff-Squad
Barack Obama has announced the creation of a Sniff-Squad who will rate the nations landfills and the outside areas around it's Taco Bells.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
McCain Reviews New Cabinet
After reviewing all the people Barack Obama has picked for different offices, John McCain has declared his 2008 presidential race as a "Moral Victory".
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Cheny Answers 3AM Call
In a "National Terrorist Awareness Test" conducted after the recent trouble in India, a 3AM call to the White House was answered by Dick Cheney on the toilet.
written by Bureau, 13 December 2008
Le French Bed
FOR SALE: One French Provincial Antique Bed: $1,000. For an extra $50 I'll throw in the French Provincial Antique Wife.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Biscuits & Muffins
WANTED: Pastry Chef - Need to start baking at 3 am. Must be self-rising.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Stubborn Mancunians Strike Again
Manchester residents voting in a referendum to decide a traffic congestion charge in the city have rejected the proposal and opted for it to stay the way they like it : Congested.
written by Rusty, 13 December 2008
Mice Jam Clock
Three mice, Hickory, Dickory and Dock, have run up a grandfather clock. One has fallen down, another has become jammed in the works and the whereabouts of the third are still unknown.
written by Rusty, 13 December 2008
Woolies break-up
Woolies stores are to be packaged into pic'n mix lots, four good ones, four average and a couple of duff ones in Wales and sold off at £145.00/sq.metre
written by jeremy griffiths, 13 December 2008
Michelle Obama's S-T-R-E-T-C-H Jeans
Michelle Obama has reportedly turned down a multi-million dollar contract to be the spokeswoman for 'Stretching The Truth Stretch Jeans.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
A Five Minute Hotel Window
SIGN AT A HOTEL'S FRONT DESK: We love our customers. And we are here to provide satisfactory service. Complaints taken daily from Noon to 12:05 pm. (only).
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
What A Dog Deal
FOR SALE: One very large dog. He eats everything, pillows, carpeting, blue jeans, drapes, and shower curtains. But he really loves kids.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
The Obama's Two Boy Dogs Rumor
Barack and Michelle Obama did an interview with Barbara Walters. And they both strongly denied the rumor that if the got two puppies they were going to call them 'Amos and Andy.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
O.J. Simpson's Next Book
O.J. Simpson is planning on writing another book. This one will be entitled, "Damnit, I Am So Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
Labia Jewelry
AD IN A NEWSPAPER: I do intimate body piercings. Safe, reasonable prices, and I can keep a secret.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
A Musical Four-Poster Bed
FOR SALE: One four-poster bed. Includes one Led Zeppelin poster, one Rolling Stones poster, and two Beatles posters.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
It Was Asphalt's Fault
SIGN IN FRONT OF AN ASPHALT BUSINESS: We've been in the asphalt business for over twenty years...and we can say that yes, it is all that it is cracked up to be.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 December 2008
