WASHINGTON D.C. - UPDATE1 Man arrested for killing his tot daughter with aspartame! Recent Supreme Court case cited. Criminals can no longer hide behind government approval!
Scientists announced to a crowded room of reporters today that aspartame has been approved as a postnatal abortion agent, for subjects up to 24 months postpartum.
The suggested dose is 25 grams (the LDLo) repeated as often as necessary, typically three times in one day, in a sweet tasting syrup, for up to a forty pound subject. LD50 is two doses. Three represent the LD90. Only in rare cases would a forth dose be required. Less is required for subjects regularly exposed to aspartame, which is estimated to be the majority.
There is no change in local or federal law, since no states have outlawed abortion, nor is there any law against use of aspartame. The proclamation is considered adequate.
Already, some 900,000 success stories have resulted in saving households across the nation thousands of dollars a year, considered essential with the current economic situation.
Dr. Theadegnarts reports success in his own household. He jokingly added, "we had a Barney DVD marathon while we waited."