Professor Barnaby Grossly of the Institute for Advanced Microbiological Physics, has make a stunning announcement regarding the identity of the bastard who'd being eating all the sausages in the staff canteen.
Suspicion had fallen on Glenda, the buxom brunette who always seems to be going on and on about being on a diet yet never actually visible loosing any weight.
But the Professor has identified a completely different suspect.
"I set up camera in the sugar bowl and located in the teabag cannister - mainly just to spy on Glenda's tits", said the Professor, "but to my surprise when I re-watched the tapes in my mirror-lined bedroom last night I discovered the culprit behind the sausage disappearances.
"It was none other than Dave Smith the janitor. I saw him stuffing his pockets with the luscious, bacon treats and scampering out of the room".
Subsequently, Dave Smith has been fired and ordered to supply a new batch of sausages for the annual 'Professors Cocktail Sausage Ball' which is due to take place this weekend.