Hull Sausage Rolls Lack Consistency, Claims Girl, 4

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 25 April 2008

image for Hull Sausage Rolls Lack Consistency, Claims Girl, 4
Chloe has brought disgrace on her family

A 4-year-old Hull girl, who was arrested when she dropped a piece of sausage roll whilst shopping with her mother, has claimed that bakers in the city are using substandard sausagemeat in their rolls, causing them to "fall to bits".

Chloe Davis told reporters that Hull's bakers are also neglecting to heat their ovens to a temperature hot enough to fully cook the meat which, when sold in a roll, tends to "go all floppy" and drop onto the pavement.

Little Chloe, who was arrested on Monday by eagle-eyed Litter Wardens, now faces jail time after refusing to pay an on-the-spot £75 fine.

Sausage rolls, or "pigs in blankets", are the staple diet in this grim northern town, and producers there have been angered by the little girl's claims.

Ted Crust, who has made sausage rolls and other pastries for well over 100 years, said:

"I preheat my oven to 200 degrees, then lay my pastry out on a large, floured surface in 13cm by 10cm strips. I use 150g of sausagemeat per sausage, and place the rolled sausage on each strip of the pastry.

"I brush the pastry on one side with the juice from a beaten egg, then fold and seal the roll up.

"Then, all the rolls go on a greased baking tray, and I brush the whole of the rolls with more juice from the beaten egg.

"To aid the baking process, I use a pair of scissors to make 2 or 3 little snips in the topside of the rolls. Then I put the rolls into the oven for around 25 minutes, or until they are golden.

"If they turn black, you have probably done something wrong. Conversely, if they are pink, you have not turned the oven on.

"I make all my sausage rolls in this way, and if this little girl thinks she can do any better, she is welcome to come down here and try!"

Chloe was last night unavailable for comment, as her mum had put her to bed early for bringing disgrace on her family.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more