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Funny satire stories about tobacco

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Funny story: Charleston Man Avoids Relationship Conversation by Resuming Dipping Tobacco Habit

Charleston Man Avoids Relationship Conversation by Resuming Dipping Tobacco Habit

Trey Lipscomb of Charleston, South Carolina, successfully avoided what he anticipated would be a highly emotional conversation with his fiancee, Kerry Harper, regarding whether their relationship was really working, by resuming his habit of dipping t...

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Funny story: Commercials Criticized for Becoming Overly Commercialized

Commercials Criticized for Becoming Overly Commercialized

"We've totally lost the art of psychological manipulation," said former advertising executive Harvey Partridge, bemoaning the deterioration of commercial advertising. "These days, it's all about selling something. I just didn't feel good about it any...

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Funny story: Tobacco Debate Finally Resolved: Smoking Isn't that Bad for You and Cigarettes May Even Extend Lifespan in Certain Situations

Tobacco Debate Finally Resolved: Smoking Isn't that Bad for You and Cigarettes May Even Extend Lifespan in Certain Situations

Smoking really isn’t that bad for you and cigarettes may even extend lifespan in certain situations was the big takeaway from a study recently published in the prestigious Personal Choice Journal. The comprehensive study conducted by the Personal...

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Funny story: Mike Pence Almost Gets "Smoked" in Public

Mike Pence Almost Gets "Smoked" in Public

Vice-Presidential hopeful Mike Pence, who hails from Indiana, almost got metaphorically "smoked" in public the other day, but escaped narrowly. As this election season heats up, so does the scrutiny befalling the candidates involved. Tapes have...

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Funny story: Congress Has Bill Written By Tobacco Industry

Congress Has Bill Written By Tobacco Industry

Vaping is no safer than smoking scientists have warned after finding that e-cigarette vapor damages DNA in ways that could lead to cancer. Researchers at the University of California created an extract from the 'smoke' of e-cigarettes and used it to treat human cells in a lab. The exposed cells developed DNA damage and died far sooner than those left untreated. Nicotine free e-cigarettes cau...

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Funny story: Anti-Smoking Ad Campaign Gets Teen Drunk

Anti-Smoking Ad Campaign Gets Teen Drunk

Valvoline, MI - Various public health advertisement campaigns in recent years have depicted graphic ads showing real smokers and the physical pains that they suffer including tracheotomy valves and the like. Studies show that the advertisements have...

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Funny story: United Healthcare to buy Philip Morris

United Healthcare to buy Philip Morris

MINNETONKA, MN - UnitedHealth Group, Inc. President and CEO, Stephen J. Hemsley announced today that UnitedHealth Group will purchase Philip Morris USA Inc., an Altria company for $674,986,685,999,324.67. "UnitedHealth Group is the largest healthc...

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Funny story: Surgeon General Demands Disclosure From Tobacco Companies

Surgeon General Demands Disclosure From Tobacco Companies

The Surgeon General has demanded that tobacco companies must now place all of the ingredients that are put in cigarettes onto the individual boxes that the cigarettes come in. This comes after pressure from the US Firefighters Association, when it...

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Funny story: Herman Cain Promises To Make Memories For America Fresh and Produce and Smokey

Herman Cain Promises To Make Memories For America Fresh and Produce and Smokey

GEORGIA - It's been one week since the last GOP debate embarrassed Americans politically with the choice of its GOP candidates. It's been less than twenty-four hours that Herman Cain and team decided to do something about it. The Cain team has co...

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Funny story: Sandra Bullock Has Confessed To Being A Closet "Snuff Dipper" AKA "Tobacco Chewer"

Sandra Bullock Has Confessed To Being A Closet "Snuff Dipper" AKA "Tobacco Chewer"

HOLLYWOOD - Word coming out of Tinsel Town is that Sandra Bullock appears to have taken up a habit that can only be described as downright disgusting. According to Hollywood Innuendo reporter Missy Wonderbox, the Oscar winning actress has admitted...

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Funny story: New embarrassment for ATF

New embarrassment for ATF

Washington DC - New revelations drawing fresh criticism of the Federal Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives are emerging in the wake of the "Fast and  Furious" AKA "Operation Gunrunner" saga.  As we have learned, Operation Gunrunner w...

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Funny story: Pipe Smoking Enjoys Massive Popular Revival

Pipe Smoking Enjoys Massive Popular Revival

Nobody seems quite sure why, but the old English tradition of reinforcing a stiff upper lip with a pipe stem seems to be undergoing a spectacularly fashionable revival. Some experts believe that with the advent of the internet, and satellite telev...

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Funny story: Life Sentences: Maritime Memories

Life Sentences: Maritime Memories

Waking once more, he took a swig of grog from the hollowed-out skull of the ship's chaplain. He gurned like an ill-tempered bulldog in the ferocious sunlight and stared at the cork life-jacket lying at my feet. Scratching his chin with the rusty hook that served as his left hand, he turned his one good eye to me. "Have a gorilla", he rasped. But I had to decline. "No thanks", I was forced to...

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Funny story: Good News: President Obama Has Quit Smoking - Bad News: He's Taken Up Chewing Tobacco

Good News: President Obama Has Quit Smoking - Bad News: He's Taken Up Chewing Tobacco

WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has told the White House Press Corps that President Obama, after months and months of trying has finally kicked the cigarette habit. The members of the media erupted in a thunderous applaus...

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Funny story: Bhutan Monk Arrested

Bhutan Monk Arrested

A Buddhist Monk in Bhutan has been arrested for smuggling tobacco into the country. Tobacco based products have been illegal in Bhutan since 2005. Jigm Dorji, a state sponsored Buddhist Monk was found with two kilos of tobacco and was arrested for po...

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Funny story: Tobacco Companies Seek Military Contracts to Increase Sales

Tobacco Companies Seek Military Contracts to Increase Sales

With expectations for decreases in overall sales in part due to new cigarette packaging with graphic lung pictures, tobacco companies are pitching a new line of products to the U.S. military to shore up those losses. Demonstrating a new line of sm...

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Funny story: Recycled Smokeless Tobacco

Recycled Smokeless Tobacco

My name is Tex Colten and I've been using smokeless (snuff, dip) tobacco for over ten years now and it's often occurred to me that the majority of the tobacco is being wasted. You take a pitch of the tobacco with your fingers and then place it between your cheek and gum, and then suck on it until all the favor is gone, then spit out the tobacco. What a waste, especially, since snuff tobacco is pri...

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