Lima Beanea, Peru (IP) - Scientists studying the Peruvian meteor report that the meteor is curing the diseases of all who approach it. They now know exactly why the miracle cures are so effective.
The scientists have observed the figure or image of a hooded female on the side of space rock. It turns out that the lady of the rock is none other than Maxine Rashawannawanna who is none other than the Virgin Mary's counter part from the planet Notperk-Oh-ICU812 which revolves around a pair of stars in the Smaller Magellanic Cloud.
Locals are converting en masse to Maxine's religion and the local priests are so upset that they have threatened to make an example of a few people by burning them at the stake. This has drawn keen interest from a tribe of Firestone cannibals who inhabit the local jungles.
The result of all of this activity has been the creation of a Woodstock-like atmosphere as hippies, new agers, priests, news crews, cannibals, vendors, scientists, medical personnel, hookers, lawyers, onlookers, meteorite collectors, astronomers, musicians, and countless other folks from diverse backgrounds pour into the area.
There are folks playing bongos and flutes wherever you turn. In one area clarinetists and accordion players jam incessantly as if under the control of some unseen power. The smell of incense mingles with the smell of roasted animal flesh. Babies cry, women laugh, and men whistle and the mingling of so many discordant sounds and smells creates a feeling of disorientation and euphoria to the thousands of folks who are also suffering from sleep deprivation.
There are so many people in the area that already three women have given birth and 16 people have died only to be brought back to life by the powers emitted by the space rock.
Wallymart is reportedly sending workers with chisels and hammers to try to obtain pieces of the meteorite so they can sell it back in the states. The workers experience some type of mystical or religious conversion as soon as they get within 100 meters of the rock and not one piece of the rock has been removed.
As night falls the rock emits light which is of various colors never seen before on our planet nor in our part of the galaxy. Humming sounds of various frequencies are heard in the area. Some witnesses have told stories about how trees and animals that were formerly injured have now become whole again. Another report circulating among the rock's pilgrims tells of how weapons become useless within the rock's sphere of influence. The rock's sphere of influence is also reported to be growing with time and there is no telling where this will all end.