Desperate gang members demand Psychoanalysis at gunpoint

Written by Kent Pete

Saturday, 22 September 2007

image for Desperate gang members demand Psychoanalysis at gunpoint
Chuck and Billy demand Freudian analysis from Arnold M. Cooper, M.D

In what is being called 'Final Societal Breakdown' or F.S.B. by social commentators, violent teenage gang members throughout America are beginning to demand expensive Psychoanalysis from top shrinks, sometimes even making their demands at gunpoint.

Talking to our social affairs correspondent Former New York Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly said:

"Psychoanalysis has taken over from Nike products as the new street cred currency. Strict Freudian analysis by a world renowned psychiatrist can rocket a new gang member to almost iconic status within just 6 months. The problem is most gang members cannot afford the ludicriously high prices these doctors charge, so many have resorted to the use of guns to get what they want."

Talking from her Houston based therapy centre, top analyst Nancy C. Andreasen, M.D., Ph.D claimed:

"It is true, such attacks are now common place. Only last month a gang of three hoodied teenagers burst into my office , tied my hands behind my back, and demanded 50 minutes of Jungian Psychotherapy each.

"It is difficult to encourage a client to explore lost or undeveloped part's of his psyche , when a fellow gang member is holding a Semi Automatic Pistol to your head.

"I believed that one particular young man was fixated in the Anal stage but was too afraid to tell him in case his friend shot me."

Ex gang member, Barney Thomas 25, from Los Angeles, California told our reporter:

"Nike, Rolex, Gold are out now man. If you can talk about how your mother's badness led you to being a violent psychopath you will gain far more street cred nowadays. When I described to other members of the Bloods how dream analysis had helped me overcome my fear of Mexicans, I shot up the rankings. It's just what the bro's are into."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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