England Dumped Out Of World Cup By USA

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Saturday, 22 September 2007


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The players shake hands after the game

The World Cup is over for the England Women's football team after they were 'licked' by the USA today in China.

The final score was 3-0 to the States, but it could have been many more, had the Americans taken their chances early in the game.

Two missed field goals and a disallowed touchdown would have made the score more comfortable, but, as the England ladies were never going to score in a month of Sundays, the three goals were ample, thank you very much.

An Amy Wambach 'header' at the back post, and a 'tap-in' from Kristine Lilly were scored either side of the best goal, a powerful low piledriver by Shannon Boxx, who has the most comical name in the tournament.

Late in the second half, two players - one from each side - were red-carded for intimacy, after an eagle-eyed lineswoman caught them cavorting near a corner flag. The referee also had to caution one of the US team for brandishing a dildo.

The USA will now play the winners of the match between Brazil and Australia in the semi-final, and must fancy their chances of 'going all the way'.

For Hopeless Powell and her England team, it's back to the drawing board or, more likely, the ironing board, as they return home next week to, what will be, hardly a whimper.

BBC Match of the Day host Gary Lineker told viewers:

"That Kelly Smith's a bit of alright, isn't she? I would!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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