Scientists discover Corrupt Bastards gene

Written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

image for Scientists discover Corrupt Bastards gene
This one's common to Bruce Weyhrauch, Rick Allan, Ted Stevens and - probably - his son Ben

Dallas, Texas - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A major scientific breakthrough has seen the discovery of a common strand of DNA, identified as a genetic "master switch", that triggers complusive acts of corrupt bastard folly.

The DNA strands have now been found in scenes of crime asociated with more than 95% of corruption, bribery, extortion, moneylaundering and general graft scams of the last 100 years.

According to University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas the discovery of the existence of the corrupt bastard gene's function could lead to the development of new approaches to fight organised as well as disorganised crime.

The US researchers who made the find are to publish their work in the journal of Corrupt Crime Cell Metabolism and will show that these felons are prone to greater acts of corrupt bastardy and less likely to suffer any side effects such as remorse.

Lead author of the study Professor Dr Jonathan Graft, associate professor of developmental corrupt bastardy at UT Southwestern, said today : "From worms to worm senators, this gene controls corrupt bastard formation.

"It explains why so many people are currently being indicted by the FBI on corruption charges in the US, and especially in the State of Alaska.

"We could soon be seeing corruption outbreaks of epidemic proportions."

The corrupt bastard gene's existence was first suspected after Richard Nixon tested positive in the wake of the Watergate affair.

Since then its sightings have grown and now take up over 95% of FBI and CIA official criminal records.

The researchers' work on Alaskan Corrupt Bastards has shown that the gene is "dose-sensitive" - meaning various combinations of the gene's variants led to a range of corruption options, although most are stil centered on buying and manipulating state and national lawmakers and other oficials.

"Of course, we've yet to examine the prevalence of the corrupt bastard gene in the UN," a UT source said today.

"BUt at the present rate we are confident of finding swarms of these corrupt bastards even in the Security Council."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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