The BuzzFuzz News Agency (Russia) is reporting that a catastrophically disastrous earthquake measuring 7.9 on the Richter Scale hit the nation's capitol.
The earthquake destroyed several Moscow bars as well as several beauty salons, a massage parlor, and a Burger King.
Russia's National Weather Guild stated that the quake was triggered by a tsunami that hit the Siberian Sea, near the town of Svetlanagrad.
The Kremlin Voice divulged that the earthquake also destroyed one of Russia's largest Russian salad dressing factories.
A spokesperson for The Comrades In Arms Russian Salad Dressing Factory stated that the entire supply of salad dressing was totally wiped out.
President Putin has already contacted Japan about trading some salad dressing for Vodka.