A man with the world’s longest nostril hairs has been recruited by MI5 as a double secret spy, since every one of the hairs poking from his nose can pick up secret communications from around the world … and beyond!
With a slight tweak of certain hairs, he can listen in on Putin yelling at his generals as to why the war hasn’t been won. With a sniffle, he can eavesdrop on Trump’s deriding of his latest Mexican maid as to why she doesn’t like her huge rack groped while she’s making Trump’s breakfast burrito.
With a sneeze, he was even able to pick up what is believed to be alien communications from beyond Jupiter!
Who is this man? That’s classified. He’s too valuable to just be blowing his nose into a hankie – those sneezes and snot bullets and hanging black wires dangling from his cavernous proboscis are worth gold! Never mind Alan Turing and the Enigma Machine – why have brains when the nose knows?!
Always engaging in the Inquisition unexpected, MI5 has a new weapon in its arsenal and old lace, something which Putin will never see coming.
In fact, I probably shouldn’t have written this story at all. Hello? Who’s that at the door? Just a quick sneeze and I’ll go see who it is. Excuse me. Achoo!
Uttar Pradesh
Islington-Bedforshite-Essex-Southend-On-Sea-On-Thames-MakeARight&You’llFindIt
Glasgow
