Zucker’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Saturday, 3 September 2022

image for Zucker’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

If only the world could be re-created so that people liked it better. The world as it stands now sucks. But there are a couple of problems to face.

One: there is no such thing as a time machine.

Two: whoever re-creates the world will do so, like Jehovah, in their own image.

If you like MAGA and Putin and Xi and Un and Bolsonaro and the remaining Legion of Doom, then you might want to create a world in which Hitler and Mussolini won, and George Orwell was a mere typist, and Martin Luther King stayed at the back of the bus with Rosa Parks, and Jesus was never born so as not to create evangelicals from Florida and other tyrannical states.

If you are a hippie, it’s all peace, love, rocknroll, and drugs, innit? And venereal disease, unwanted pregnancies, poverty, too many jobs but none of them good, long hair and lice, and a godawful smell – buy some deodorant!

Somebody played a joke on Mark Zuckerberg and his Metaverse.

They faked a photo showing the cartoon character known as Mark Zuckerberg in front of the World Trade Towers, with the caption, “9-11 didn’t happen here.”

Frightening. If Mark takes this joke seriously, he may try to re-write world history in his personal universe. Do we need another world parallel to this one? Isn’t this one shit enough? Mark cannot make the world a better place in which to live, but what if he tries?

What if he tries!!!!!

Florida alone would probably prefer Mark’s version of history, especially American history (like Trump wanted – keep only, or re-write, the history books where America is always great and has never done a thing wrong ever, not even the Mỹ Lai massacre – those Vietnam children and elderly women were all terrorists, Semper Fi!) …

In such a Trumpian book, American whites and blacks have always lived in peace and harmony – but, of course, the black man instinctively knew his place, beneath that of the white man – but as long as they were happy, then nothing evil was being done. The ends justifies … right?

Zuck’s World can easily become a terrifying place in which to live. And if some choose to do so, and they think it’s more real than the real world … well, how many people have been turned crazy by the internet, then got themselves a gun and went shopping?

There’s an old after-school TV movie starring Tom Hanks before he was Tom Hanks (even before Bosom Buddies), where he plays Dungeons & Dragons (that anti-Christian game, which came out during Ronald Regan’s term of endearment, and was thought to be worse than video games – since the only video games at the time were Pong, Pac-Man and Donkey Kong, not the fantasy-worlds-to-escape-into as we have today). Tom loses his mind, seeing dragons everywhere, and his friends need to help him not die, though at movie’s end, his mind is still lost.

This is what Mark wants for you and me!

Mark, I’m having a hard enough time living in this world … your parallel dimension ain’t gonna make anything better, it’s only gonna make you richer. That’s the only reason why you created it, right? Never trust a rich man’s gift – that wooden horse is full of soldiers!

Mark Zuckerberg makes a lousy Dungeon Master. Roll the die and keep your computer out of my brain.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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