You Are A Cellphone

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Friday, 15 July 2022

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Freedom Will Only Come with a Five-Year Plan

Various computer, phone, entertainment, political think tanks, and mass data storage companies are planning your life, and you don’t even know it!

What’s on your cellphone? Apps? Photos and movies and wacky fun games?

How about access to your banking information?

Can your phone start your car remotely?

Or open your house when you’re only five minutes away (barring heavy traffic or unforeseen accidents)?

How about tracking your kids with a chip imbedded under the skin at the backs of their necks? Or even yourself in case you get Alzheimer’s and need guidance going home?

Sure, there are good things about technology, but also bad things.

At the beginning of this century, during George Bush’s illegal invasion of Iraq, Americans were polled about their freedoms.

Would you give up some of your freedoms in order to catch terrorists?

(Now, of course, all the terrorists have been caught – or, at least, they don’t make the news anymore, so therefore, they don’t exist.)

An overwhelming majority said: FUCK YEAH!

They would rather have their governments spying into their dirty underwear drawers than even think of the possibility that a terrorist (or just someone who looks like one, whatever that means – usually skin color and religious differences) could be living next to them!

So ask yourselves and your loved ones these VERY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS that the government wants to know (although they have already culled most of the data from your social media accounts):

Would you give up your right to freedom of speech if it meant the government could spy on the EVIL WITCH DOCTOR living next to you! Or what about a NEST OF SNAKES about to break through their fish tank? Or PIRANHAS doing the same?

Would you give up your freedom of assembly, or your right to vote, if it meant the destruction of the EVIL GINGEVITIS!!!!!

Would you forget all about your freedom of religion, of atheism, of the right to walk down the street without a racist cop busting you for “walking funny” or “being black” if it meant those same cops can bust up a crack house with NO CENTRAL AIR-CONDITIONING!!!!!!

Give up your freedoms. The government is ALWAYS looking out for your best interests. They won’t hurt you, they promise … now lie back and let them put electrodes on your brain and inject the syrup into your veins. And steal everything you have on your phone. (All those eggs don’t have to go into one basket, y’know.)

Freedom always has a price. And there’s a sucker born every minute.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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