Snoring in hospital beds is to be forbidden!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Monday, 1 February 2021

image for Snoring in hospital beds is to be forbidden!
Scientists have also discovered wearing woolly hats in bed stops snorers snoring! Here the proof!

(NOT EDITED) Anti-snoring groups are protesting outside German hospitals in an attempt to make it a crime to snore during time spent in wards.

"Snoring is a crime and should be forbidden!" Sensitive ex-patients have been observed screaming, "Snorers ROB us of our sleep after operations and not everybody can afford luxury single-bed rooms!"

German health authorities are sending scientists in to research the problem and have discovered that poorer patients end up feeling much worse after spending time in a multi-bed ward because it is impossible to get quality sleeping time.

They have come up with several suggestions to defeat the problem, and here are just a few:

A) Night nurses are expected to sit on the edge of snoring patients beds and slap them on the head every time they dare to snort!

B) A 150,00 Euro fine will be imposed on snoring patients for disturbing the peace!

C) Repetitive snoring patients will be ejected out of the wards and expelled to the cellar without food and drink for a day!

D) Innocent non-snorers will be issued headphones with Richard Wagner classical music piped into their heads, which is enough to send anybody to sleep!

E) Smoker snorers dipping outside for a quick ciggy will not be allowed back into their wards and will have to spend the night in the open! Scientists hope this will have a double effect; make smokers kick their disgusting habits so they can start breathing through healthy lungs and nostrils!

F) Repeat offending snorers will be forced to spend the night awake in a ward full of snorers to get a taste of their own medicine!

The Snoring Fraternity are totally against any form of restrictive practices to thwart their favourite hobby, disturbing the peace, and will arrange a contra protest march, lying in their hospital beds, starting the 'FREEDOM TO SNORE MOVEMENT IN PUBLIC PLACES', including hospital wards, and if non-snorers don't like it, they should pay extra fees for a single-bed-ward!

The EU is making a final decision to make snoring in hospitals illegal. The UK, now out of the EU, has washed its hands of any stupid legislation re snoring because in UK hospitals they are used to people farting, snoring, and hurling abuse at each other during their stays in NHS run hospices!

More as we ZZZZZZZZZZ it!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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