The New Name For Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix Has Just Been Announced

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 18 June 2020

image for The New Name For Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix Has Just Been Announced
The name of the original Aunt Jemima was Quantaneesha Jo Quiddity.

CHICAGO – The Quaker Oats Corporation, which makes Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix, has just revealed that they are dropping the racist name Aunt Jemima and replacing it with another name.

Helga Tuscaloosa, 57, who runs the product-naming department at the company said that, after asking thousands of Aunt Jemima fans for their new name suggestions, they have agreed on a new one.

After going over 26,901 suggestions, including Black Beauty Pancake Mix, Sista Yo Pancake Mix, and Hip Hoppin’ Pancake Mix, the company has decided that the new name will be Aunt Beyoncé Pancake Mix.

Mrs. Tuscaloosa said that 9 of the 10 board members loved it. The lone member who did not like it was Hattie Upperweed, who is a white woman, and who wanted the new name to be The Snow White Pancake Mix.

The popular singer Beyoncé was contacted, and asked if she would agree to pose for the photo on the new pancake box, and also be the new spokesperson.

Beyoncé said that she grew up eating Aunt Jemima pancakes, along with moon pies, yams, and black-eyed peas.

When she was told that she would be getting paid $4.7 million, she jumped up in the air, and allegedly hollered out, “Hallelujah, honey child, I be's one happy-as-hell singing sista, fa shizzle ma nizzle!”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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