Man Sets Out To Disinvent The Internet

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 15 June 2020

image for Man Sets Out To Disinvent The Internet
Tim Berners-Lee?

A man who says he is incensed at the way modern-day society has become a "slave to technology", with seemingly everything controlled by the internet, has announced that he is determined to halt this process, and make the 'world wide web' a thing of the past.

Moys Kenwood, 56, was born into a world where children fought 'wars' with 'guns' that were really pieces of wood, or battled with Action Man figures, enjoyed the thrill of the racetrack circuit with Scalextric cars, and used bits of bamboo cane and string to make bows and arrows. They played football at the park, rode bicycles, caught sticklebacks and tadpoles in ditches with tiny fishing nets, and, sometimes, climbed trees.

Not anymore though.

Children of the same age, these days, either nestle down in their bedrooms or roam the streets, with their faces glued to their Smartphone screens, playing endless eyesight-destroying, braincell-depleting online 'games'.

The internet, developed by Tim Berners-Lee in 1989, has brought wholesale changes to culture, commerce and technology, to the point where human beings will soon no longer need legs.

Kenwood wants to roll back the years, and consign to history the advent of the internet.

He said:

"It's the same when I want to buy something. 'Real' shops are closing down, so that robots at Amazon can have their jobs, and I have to access the internet to get in touch with these robot fellows."

He went on:

"Kids that want to learn something have to do it 'online', instead of going to school, and people are now being denied the pleasure of going to work, and have to operate from home 'online', with the aid of a computer."

And on:

"I intend to disinvent the internet, so that we can return to how things were before 1989. This will involve a fair amount of adaptation. People will need to learn how to write using a pen, how to talk, and, in extreme cases, how to walk. Things will be difficult, but it will be worth it."

Asked how he intends to 'disinvent' something that has already been invented, and controls 99% of the processes by which human society exists, he replied:

"I've already sent two cyborgs back to 1984 to 'take care' of Berners-Lee."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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