HOUSTON – A group of extremely brilliant scientists at NASA have made an amazing discovery regarding the Big Dipper (aka Ursa Major).
After implementing a brand new state-of-the-art extremely-high-powered telescope, that was produced on the Pacific Island of Macadamia, NASA says that the Big Dipper is now really more like the kinda, somewhat Big Dipper.
Originally, the Big Dipper was believed to have a radius of 1.2 million miles. But the new telescope, nicknamed “Lucy” after the Beatles song, “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”, has shown that the Big Dipper actually has a radius of only 843,902 miles.
NASA has asked that the United States government replace all of the federal Big Dipper books with new ones, showing the corrected radius.
They have also suggested that the name Big Dipper be changed to the Kinda Sorta Big Dipper, and the secondary name Ursa Major be changed to the Rather Semi Ursa Major.
A White House spokesperson has remarked that President Trump has said that he will provide whatever amount of funds are needed, in order to make the book correction.
POTUS stated that those funds will probably come from the United States Food Stamp Program.