Texas Instruments introduces the Wife's Calculator

Written by thomas o'hanlon

Sunday, 29 January 2017

image for Texas Instruments introduces the Wife's Calculator
no longer used by wives

Jenn Swenson V.P. of business development for Texas Instruments Inc. has brought to market a product that many people feel existed already. The Wife's Calculator is 99% a regular calculator, it adds, subtract, multiplies, divides, works percentages, decimals and fractions yet there is one additional feature not found on any other calculator: The G button.

"This is how it works" said Ms. Swenson as she addressed the crowd at the annual Gadgets and Devices show in El Paso New Mexico. "I shall put in a random number representing a monthly budget for a household, let's say ten thousand dollars" she said as she punched in the digits. "Now, without using the G button mind you I will subtract the various purchases and bills in this household's monthly expenditure"

Ms. Swenson quickly subtracted amounts associated with mortgage, car payments, insurance, dining, clothing etc. and finished by totally to show a zero balance.

"Pretty common occurrence in most many American homes as we all know but let me do this over again but before I calculate I will hit the G button" she did so by pressing the large pink letter G on the top of the calculator and then subtracted again from ten thousand the exact components as before "but let me also subtract the price of a dozen new pair of shoes, a getaway weekend at the spa, lunch with Betty, lunch with Sheri, lunch with Kitty; a new leather bag, a stunningly beautiful jacket, and another getaway weekend at the spa and total that up" she pressed the equal sign and smiled "positive three hundred and thirty dollars"

"So you see" she continued "the Wife's Calculator not only enables more buying power it also stimulates savings"

When asked how does the G button work, Ms. Swenson said "That is above my pay grade, the gals back at the lab were able to figure this out"

When suggested by a reporter that despite the magic of the G calculator it seemed impossible to balance a budget this way, Ms. Swenson said "well, I suppose somebody should cut back on their beer and bowling maybe" as she gave that reporter "that look" he was very familiar with.

"yeah I was thinking about going back to lite beer anyway" he said sadly…very, very sadly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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