Tea Party DNA Shows Meanness, Stupidity As Common Bond

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 10 April 2014


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Recent scientific research proves that personalities, temperaments, and world views are innate. These are simply human genetic imprints.

Now, world famous mind researcher, Adler Freud-Jung, M.D., Ph.D, I.W.W.
and his associates have conducted experiments to ascertain what characteristics are common to leading GOP figures such as Ted Cruz, Rush Limbaugh, Paul Ryan and other Tea Party types.

Unknown to these subjects, their DNA was lifted from cups, glasses, cigars, anti-psychotic medication bottles and pills, as well as other objects used by them.

What these scientists have discovered is what unites the Tea Party- GOP is a "mean gene," coupled with DSM-IV's "illogical thought process deprivation" category which is associated with what Dr. Freud-Jung calls the "stupid gene." He calls them both "genetic-recessive traits."

For example, the GOP has always had a concern about law and order and a reduction in crime. However, its focus has always been on punishment and retribution against criminals, never rehabilitation, he points out.

"It is liberals who focus on such things as the torture involved in solitary confinement, state executions that take over 30 minutes, brutality of guards, and prison rape. The Tea Party-GOP is silent on these matters," said the scientist.

"This is because there is an inherent nastiness in republicans due to the mean gene," according to Dr. Freud-Jung. "To put it crudely, they 'get off' on seeing others humiliated and in anguish."

As for the Tea Party-GOP stupid gene - which causes illogical thinking on the issue - he points out that 95% of all prisoners in the U.S. will be returned to society. "It makes no sense to brutalize them in prison. There is ample evidence that treating people brutally is most likely to produce brutes. But the genetic-recessive GOP can't make the connection," states the scientist.

As for other issues Dr. Freud-Jung points out that the GOP wants to slash food stamps for families with infants and children, stop unemployment benefits, and all programs that help the needy. "They would destroy the entire safety net if they could. You are talking about mean, cruel, sadistic people," he said.

"Their stupidity comes into play in this issue because the U.S. is in an economic crisis and, historically, developed countries have taken countercyclical actions to stabilize their economies, in tough times, through and committed social spending. If poor people don't have money to spend the economy will stay in the toilet. Of course, the GOP collectively is too stupid to process the historical facts," said Freud-Jung.

"So, we see that people with immoral, obtuse human genetic imprints have gathered together in today's Tea Party GOP. This should not be surprising. Such groupings widespread in our culture. For example, we see it all the time in high school girl's cliques where mean, stupid girls of privilege gather together," the world famous scientist concluded.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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