Koch Brothers Name 2014 Candidate Selections

Funny story written by The Ruling Authority

Thursday, 3 April 2014

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Sweet Smile of Success

Was Wednesday's Supreme Court ruling a late April Fool's joke?

No! The 5-4 vote further eliminated limits on the amount of money an individual donor can contribute to elections, just as the election season is heating up.

Charles and David Koch, owners of the Republican and (subsidiary) Tea Party franchises, greeted the news with quiet smiles and a press conference to announce their picks for this fall.

"Now we can come out of the closet," said Charles, "and no longer pretend that Freedom Parties and Americans for Prosperity are grass roots organizations composed of the little people. We own the G.O.P. and now we can say it loud and proud."

Humbly, he continued. "But we aren't forgetting you little people. You should know that every time you wipe your butt with Angel Soft toilet paper or clean up your dog's mess on the floor with a Brawny paper towel, you're cleaning up America and supporting our great cause to make America free again. Free at last, America, we're free at last!

"Don't worry, little people, our selections for Congress will be drummed into your little heads enough times in the next several months that their names will stick in your little brains when it comes time for you to vote. You won't even have to make any decisions about them because we're doing it for you. Think of it as just one more way for us to serve this great country of ours. And I do mean ours. Heh, heh."

(Sheldon Adelson, billionaire owner of gambling enterprises in Lost Wages and 2012 contributor of 93 million dollars to conservative candidates, began giggling uncontrollably at the Supreme Court's decision and had to be revived with supplemental oxygen.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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