NASA to Send Armed Rover to Mars

Funny story written by Andy Tattersall

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

image for NASA to Send Armed Rover to Mars

NASA have confirmed that their next planned mission to Mars in 2015 will involve sending a full-armed, armour plated rover named Killbot-X231. The rover, based on the current Mars Expedition Rover will contain both conventional and nuclear arms capable of destroying 1/5th of the Red Planet and will have a top speed of 120 mph.

A senior spokesperson from NASA confirmed that Killbot-X231 named after one of its inventors Dr James Rodgers said that the rover was being armed purely as a precautionary measure. Speaking from the Kennedy Space Center, the spokesperson said that: "This is by no means anything to do with China's plans to launch a mission to Mars next year".

China have long been working on a mission to Mars and recently unveiled their own version of the U.S' rover by the name of the Red Mist, apparently named so after the famous red-tinted sea fret that often comes in from the east of the country.

Speaking earlier today NASA also said that their new armed rover was nothing to do with recent reports coming from the Red Planet that strange beings had been captured on camera by the current rover as part of its mission. In a press conference given to a select group of reporters 2 miles under the Earth NASA said there was nothing to be concerned about. The unnamed spokesperson gave reassurance that: "If there were little green or for that matter yellow men up there they would soon feel the wrath of the mightiest nation from Planet Earth."

China's National Space Administration (CNSA) have also responded to claims of unexplained sightings on Mars. In a press release earlier this week they said: "that the Chinese people will not cower to these beings, nor that of the aggression of other states. We plan to send our rover next year with the intention of defending the planet from threats to our interests, whether they being extra-terrestrial or otherwise".

In a press release from CNSA they said: "The decision to arm our rover with nuclear weapons has not been taken lightly but by doing so it will ensure we are within striking distance of Jupiters' moons. We're not saying there is life on any of these moons, no definitely no life, none that would require a nuclear strike."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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