Written by IainB

Sunday, 19 February 2012

image for Need somewhere to put a tea tray? There's a lap for that
The lap is available anywhere, with an easy stow-away option

Gone are the days when mobile phones were large enough to rest a tea tray on, although the iPhone 5 is rumoured to be as large as a minivan. The modern consumer needs somewhere to put their tea tray whilst they eat their meal and watch television.

Step forward Candi Floss, with her latest invention: the Lap.

"If you're watching television," said Candi, "You don't want to be resting your tea-tray on the sofa beside you, there's too much twisting. A small table is too far away. No, you need something compact, portable, within easy reach and cheap. This is where the lap comes in."

The lap can be carried with everybody no matter where they are, and only makes an appearance when the person sits down. As soon as the person stands up, the lap vanishes without the user having to do anything.

"There is a cunning camouflage for when lap owners are stood up," said Candi. "It doesn't get in the way when they walk, you can even go swimming with a lap without damaging it. For a publicity stunt, I went sky diving with a lap, and used it immediately after I touched down."

Already there are several devices coming out that are compatible with the lap, that look set to revolutionise every aspect of daily life.

"Computer manufacturers are producing devices that sit atop a lap," said Candi. "They're calling them laptops. Also, there are cushions to sit between tea trays and laps to prevent the lap from getting damaged by a hot tea tray."

Even the entertainment industry is getting in on the act, designing a whole range of dances that are compatible with the lap.

"I have been told I have the perfect name to do these dances for laps," said Candi. "I'm not so sure. Perhaps if they come up with a catchier name."

The lap is rapidly becoming adopted worldwide, and the factory in Lapland that makes them can hardly keep up with demand. The lap is getting to the point where it is ubiquitous, however there is one aspect of the lap that is preventing it from really taking off.

"I can't get the lap to work in space," said Candi. "It won't stay put. We've considered lap straps and lap tacks, and other such devices, but they defeat the purpose of an easily transportable place to put things when your sat down. We will keep working on it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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