Things I Will Miss About No Longer Having to Wear A Mask

Funny story written by rfreed

Wednesday, 13 April 2022

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I can no longer use it to hide that I have forgotten to shave this morning.

It will no longer cover up my smirk at someone’s stupid comment.

The extra warmth it gives my jaw on those below freezing days.

It will no longer cover up my bad breath from having eaten that limburger casserole well stuffed with garlic and onions.

I can no longer cover up my leering smile at the attractive woman walking by.

It will no longer slur my words so that obnoxious sales people will give up on giving me their spiel.

Two of them together can make adequate earmuffs on an extra cold winter day.

The warmth it gives my eyes as I exhale and it funnels my breath upwards.

The fact that it also makes a good eye patch when I get something in my eye.

It can make an OK substitute for a sling shot against aggressive dogs.

Emergency kleenex for those winter dribbles.

Impromptu bandage for those shaving nicks.

Put it on backwards for that embarrassing haircut gouge.

Using it to carry fresh picked berries out in the woods.

An emergency thong.

It holds that wet bandage in place on that boo-boo on your arm or leg.

Impromptu cajones holder when it gets cold out.

Knee and elbow protectors when you are out rollerblading.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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