Famous Sayings Updated For Our Modern Times

Funny story written by rfreed

Tuesday, 4 January 2022

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Nietzsche- "What doesn't kill me......might try again if I don't watch out!

(Original saying) I think, therefore I am.
( Updated saying) I stink, therefore I am pretty sure I still exist.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
That which does not kill us makes us really careful to avoid it the next time.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A bird in the hand will be so scared you'll also have poop in your hand.

A penny saved is a penny earned.
A penny saved is a waste of time and energy- they aren't worth anything.

Penny wise- dollar foolish
Even a dollar isn't worth worrying about anymore.

Fortune favors the bold.
Old age favors the bald.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When life gives you lemons, throw them at passing cars. It will make you feel better.

Practice makes perfect.
Practice makes being perfect boring.

Knowledge is power.
Knowledge makes for a really good sedative.

The journey of a thousand steps begins with the first step.
The journey of a thousand steps begins with a good nap and a call for an Uber.

I came, I saw I conquered.
I came, I saw, I said “Why bother?”

Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.
Those who forget to pay on their Past Due notices are still condemned to pay them.

You'll never find a rainbow if you are looking down.
You'll never find a rainbow if you are looking down, but you might find enough change to pay for parking.

The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
The rich get richer and the poor get screwed by everybody..

Time is money.
It is about time I had some money.......

What doesn't kill you doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stupid if you try it again.

The early bird gets the worm.
The early bird gets run over by the traffic trying to get to work.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
When the going gets tough, the smart go somewhere else......

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
That's one small step for man, of course there would have to be dog poop there.

It is better to have loved and lost than to ever than to have never loved at all.
It is better to have lusted and gotten something that to have lusted in vain.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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