Bertie Wooster bashes butler Jeeves ears about dirty doings in London and Jaggedone heard it all!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 30 June 2021

image for Bertie Wooster bashes butler Jeeves ears about dirty doings in London and Jaggedone heard it all!
Dens of Iniquity in abundance down this particular back-alley!

A recurring phenonium rebounding off the walls in JO's paltry country German residence is sending earthquakes and tornados to his tax haven in Luxembourg, and these occurrences have nothing to do with global change, a 'Trumpian Classic!"

No! Sublime Aristocrat, Bertie Wooster, and Jeeves, his outstanding butler, have been pounding JO's minuscule cerebral cortex, and this is what was heard from the 'other side!'

"Jeeves, old Bean, I have heard of naughty mischief happening in Nr 10, have you heard something too?"

"Yes Sire, that queer Chappy who the BBC allow on telly every morning to tell the nation how to behave, keep social distancing, obey old BOJO, and not have multiple sex, has stuck his tongue down his secretary's deep throat, quite a blow job I heard!"

"Jeeves you bounder, what a rascal, what's his name?"

"Sire, I believe Hand-Cock, well his secretary certainly had her hand on his pride and joy!"

"Oh Jeeves, you can be so rude sometimes, but I like it, or is she that Volga Olga nympho in disguise, I'll just give Erskine Quint a tinkle and find out."

"Sire, Volga Olga is now residing in Moscow, her EU visa run out and a quick suck on Hancock's private parts could not help either, so Putin invited her to suck on his glorious Beluga!"

"By jolly Jeeves old cad, things are certainly rumbling down there, maybe it's time we got our 1938 Silver Cloud Rolls Royce prepared for a wicked trip to the Houses of P."

"Oh, by the way Sire, Prince Willy was seen cheering for our footy boys in Wembley, and that rather oddball singer, Sheeran, I believe his name is. They whopped the Jerry's just like we did 76 years ago, rather dashing sire, don't you agree?"

"Jeeves, footy, what is that?"

"Well Sire, it was once a sport for the poor working class, just like pigeon poking, but now footy players earn more than you sire!"

"Well, I'll be damned! I must give Lizzy a tinkle and stop this foolishness, was Charlie there too?"

"No sire, he was too busy banging his polo balls with Camilla, she demanded a jolly fine whipping up!"

"By Jove Jeeves, get the Rolls ready, I need a bit of equestrian fun too! London here we come”.

"Yes Sire, our Ukrainian chauffeur, who replaced James, poor soul, RIP, has at least a working permit for the UK, so we can leave after I polish your hand-made riding boots, you look so dashing in them with your bulging plus-fours."

"Jeeves, old Bean, does he know the way?"

"Yes Sire, all roads lead to Rome."

"Jeeves, why Rome?"

"Sire, with all respect to your Prussian heritage, ask the Germans!"

"By golly Jeeves, you are so brilliant, I certainly will!"

Aufwiedersehen Pet, and see you all in Rome!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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