The neighbourhood conflict between George Osborne and David Cameron has been placed in the hands of a council arbitration service after both parties received ASBO' s and a stern warning from the head of police the other day.
It all began last summer when Mr Osborne' s barbeque exploded and set fire to his potting shed. This in turn led to the uncontrollable blaze on Mr Cameron's newly creosoted garden fence and a sparring match between the two then followed. The fire brigade were in attendance and fought the inferno for three hours with them finally dousing the rose pergola at number 10.
Mr Osborne wasn't having any of it and plotted his secret revenge against Mr Cameron which kicked off officially last October. We are told that the chancellor of the exchequer taped the remains of a unidentifiable road kill to the underside of the PM' s wheelie bin, creating one of the most awful smells known to man. By day five, David Cameron had enough of the rancid odour and called environmental health who were unable to pin point the source and recommended evacuation of the property. It wasn't until the arrival of gas masked Charlie the ratter that the offending remains were discovered. Although no clear evidence of who had done this despicable act, Mr Cameron had a good idea who the perpetrator was.
In the following months, George Osborne' s car was keyed, dog crap left in a burning poke on his door step, unusual amounts of junk mail from someone who'd filled in a lots of forms on his behalf, his lawn attacked with a water pistol filled with weed killer, a nude magazine shoved through the letter box, the weekly arrival of two hookers who'd been telephoned for their services and the disappearance of the family cat called Ginger.
George Osborne wasn't the only target of somebody's unwanted attention. Mr Cameron suffered the following distasteful pranks as well:- someone had stuffed banana up his car's exhaust, put dogs dirt through the letter box, subscribed on his behalf to the magazine Gay News, had the heads of his roses shot off with an air gun, being left rude rasping noises on his telephone answering machine, posted on his behalf on YouTube - a video of his wife sun bathing topless in the garden and a thousand tennis balls fired into his garden by electronic serving machine.
It all culminated in a girly boxing fight between the two senior politicians yesterday with a lot of scratching, hair pulling and wrist slapping. The police, now sick to death with the couple's continual fighting and with as many ASBO' s in so many months, have referred the matter to the council's arbitration service.