Was Churchill a knob?

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Sunday, 28 March 2021

image for Was Churchill a knob?
A hunchbacked Churchill goes to ring the bells of Big Ben

Winston Churchill is often called a national hero for being Prime Minister of the UK during the Second World War, although the people of Britain at the time didn't think so - they voted him out of office as soon as possible. It is also arguable whether he even had any impact on the outcome of the war, which was famously won by the military industrial moustache complex of Stalin.

A recent book by Geoff De Bate explores the complex nature of Churchill and his legacy. So, this week, we ask the important question - was Churchill a knob?

"People remember his speeches," said De Bate. "But they often forget the other things that he did. Often he would travel with his Home Secretary Booboo, and they would snoop around Jellystone Park and steal picnic baskets."

Tory MP and Churchill fan Tarquin Tophat spat out his tea when he heard that. "How dare he say that! That's not the Churchill I remember reading about. No, I recall him being brave and strong. He used to go down to the docks with his anchor tattoo and his skinny wife. There, he would guzzle an entire can of spinach before punching a bearded obese man in the face for ogling his woman."

Anarchist protester Anon Emus thought that Churchill was an appalling human being. "I remember seeing him with his pet dog. He was always building elaborate contraptions to try to catch this poor little carrier pigeon. Thankfully, all of his schemes ended in failure. I can't understand why anyone liked him."

So it seems that we may never know the answer to the question. Maybe he was a knob, maybe he wasn't.

Next week, we investigate how Hitler and his henchmen managed to outwit officer Dibble.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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