Jaggedone's New Year Resolutions in a Nutty Nutshell!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Friday, 1 January 2021

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Well at least one of Jaggedone's New Year's resolutions has a spark of hope now the imbecile has left his White Castl

2020 was for many people SHIT! So Jaggedone has decided to turn over a new leaf and offer his 2021 resolutions to the world! They are very promising, and, of course, provocative!

1)
Boris Johnson and his Brexiteers: FUCK OFF; Jaggedone promises to ignore your hypocritical crap!

2)
Donald Trump: He can FUCK OFF; Jaggedone promises not to even mention the name of this moronic imbecile!

3)
Liverpool FC: They can FUCK OFF, too! Jaggedone promises never to think about them winning the title once again; it makes him puke! Liverpool fans, please do United fans a massive favour, and "Go and Walk Alone', then jump in the Mersey!

4)
Leeds United Fans: Jaggedone hopes you FUCK OFF back to where you came from! But I loved our 6-2 against your mob of 'bun-carrying, shaven-headed, bosos!' And leave those sheep alone (a Floydian plagiarism)!

5)
Covid-19 conspiracy theorists: FUCK OFF BIG TIME; Jaggedone promises never to listen to any alien bullshit spewing out of your pathetic gobs!

6)
Nurses, Doctors, Frontline Workers: You are all HEROES and please do not FUCK OFF, because the world needs you and Jaggedone promises to always praise and support your heroic work!

7)
Monkey Woods: OK, Jaggedone told you to FUCK OFF in 2020, but he promises never to tell you to FUCK OFF again; now where's that comma?

8)
The Pope, The Vatican, Catholic perverted Priests: FUCK OFF BIG TIME! And anybody who follows this mob of paedophiles needs their FUCKING brains tested! Jaggedone will sell his soul to Satan before he sells his soul to this mob!

9)
The Spoof: Don't FUCK OFF, but don't FUCK OFF any more of our brilliant writers! Jaggedone pledges his support to any writer here who does not mention that fat-twat who once faked his barge-arse into the White House!

10)
Last not least, Jaggedone, FUCK OFF! You are a useless bag of literary crap, but at least you attempt to make people laugh! So, Jaggedone promises not to FUCK OFF quite yet! Sorry for those who hate Jaggedone and wish he could be sucked into a huge 'Black Hole' in cyberspace - bad luck, guys, he's here for a while, and that's his FINAL WORD today on the 01.01.2021!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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