How Donald Trump Will Win The 2020 Election

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 26 October 2020

image for How Donald Trump Will Win The 2020 Election
Trumpers patrolling voting precincts to intimidate voters.

Donald Trump will win the 2020 election. Get the smelling salts out and take a deep breath. He will win the 2020 election using the same playbook as pal Vladimir Putin. And he’s already started.

Vladimir Putin poisoned his last opponent, who ended up in a coma, was shipped to Germany, miraculously survived, and lived to talk about it. A few of Putin’s critics also fell out of windows. Accidentally.

Hey Joe: Keep away from all upstairs windows.

Donald Trump has asked Attorney General William Barr to arrest and lock up his opponent, Joe Biden. Biden hasn’t been arrested, and Trump then threatened, saying it may not end well for Attorney General William Barr.

Because of COVID-19 and the need for social distancing, Mail-in voting became a necessity. The solution to ill-legitimize the vote count? Appoint a Trump crony as head of the US postal system. He immediately removed automated high-speed letter sorters. These machines can sort 36,000 letters in one hour.

It will take hours to do the vote count on Election Day. Trump wants the vote count to stop at 12 midnight on election day. Clever? No, criminal.

Trump also wants to suppress the vote. He asked goons (the unemployable) to patrol voting precincts to intimidate voters from casting votes. These goons are already showing up.

Trump pal, Texas Governor Greg Abbott is limiting counties to one absentee ballot drop-off place. And if they go to vote in person, they will be required to have 7 (seven) acceptable forms of identification.

Crooked? Yes. Un-American? Yes. Desperate? Yes. Trumpism? It’s the only way Trump can win.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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