Why Communist Can’t Win

Funny story written by Harry Klondike

Tuesday, 20 October 2020

image for Why Communist Can’t Win
Typical modern communists greeting

To all the Marxist revolutionaries - you’ve got an image problem. Here are a list of all the losing strategies in use that engender the same hatred towards you, that you have against all others:

Before we get to the list, it should be noted that the fact totalitarian Marxism, as an abject proven failure of a political system, has NOTHING to do with people disliking you or your message. People vote for, and live under, equally lousy forms of governance. Political success is all about branding, not prosperity of the country.

Here is why you’re losing;

1. Personal hygiene: You people literally stink. Neglecting basic hygienic practices is bad enough, but you also do the three things civilized people never do in public; urinate, defecate, and inject drugs. These are things that self-respecting citizens do in the lavatory.

2. You’re loud: The bullhorns have got to go.

3. You lack fundamental understanding between a specified political grievance versus a general complaint: Roaming the city chanting about "justice", "white privilege", "Native American displacement", "toxic masculinity" etc... it all comes off as meandering muddled bitching with no real message.

4. Your chants suck: the sing-song rhymes that help keep the troops entranced enough to repetitively engage in the same activities night after night grate on everyone’s nerves. STOP CHANTING! You don’t need the chanting for motivation in senseless endeavors - that’s what the amphetamines are for.

5. Stop pulling down replaceable statues no one ever noticed in the first place.

6. Stop destroying buildings. That only works once as a shock and awe tactic. Subsequent destruction is gauche.

Most important point saved for last

7. STOP BLOCKING TRAFFIC! When you block traffic in a major metropolitan area, and people find out the cause, they automatically gravitate to the opposite of what you stand for. Nothing makes someone yearn for a fascist dictatorship more than a bunch of pinko-commie trash blocking traffic.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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