The Star Wars Evening News

Funny story written by Butch

Sunday, 13 September 2020

image for The Star Wars Evening News
"I'm sick and tired of these storm-troopers!"

It looks like the weather on Tatooine is going to be hot and dry with a few scattered murders throughout the day. There's usual some form of a shooting in the bars and in the streets. The kill count last night was 29, which is 3 lower than the evening average.

It appeared that we were making some progress, but slavery is still a thing around here, too. Men, women, green or blue, it does not matter, the Hutt is coming for you. Jabba still enslaves the citizens of this planet for what seems absolutely no reason. We have word from an unnamed source that Jabba may be experiencing some form of dementia, seeing as though he just celebrated his 900th birthday. I mean, can't they put him in a home already?

It's been 5 weeks since our last Jedi sighting. As we all know, Mace Windu stopped here on his way to Coruscant on a mission from Yoda. The audio clip completely captures how he feels about the Empire: "I'm sick of these mutha-&%@#@# stormtroopers on this mutha-&%@#@# planet!"

I was just shot in the arm! Yeah they don't take kindly to reporters around here, I'm surprised I lasted this long already. Anyway, we are going to get going. I'm feeling kinda light-headed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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