Send This to Your Local Police to Let Them Know That Your Aunt Janice Wants 1 Million Dollars Or You Get It!

Written by Jesus H. Christ

Wednesday, 3 April 2019

image for Send This to Your Local Police to Let Them Know That Your Aunt Janice Wants 1 Million Dollars Or You Get It!
An educated guess as to what Janice looks like when pointing a firearm towards your skull.

We’re all about helping you, giving you tips and tricks on commonly complicated things to make them easy, simple and fun, and, of course, this is no different. This article ensures that the next time your crazy Aunt Janice holds you hostage, demanding that the county police hands over 7-digits, you don’t have to carry out a boring 911 call. Just copy and paste this efficient article and wait for the police to bring her the fortune!

Hello police! I’m so glad to talk to you again! I’ve come to tell you that my crazy Aunt Janice has once again held a handheld firearm to my head! Not only this, but she also demands that you hand over $1,000,000 dollars in cash before she lets me go back home to my loving family whom would be devastated by my loss.

No, police. My Aunt Janice will not take negotiations. She needs this money to pay off her debt, so there is no negotiation to be done! My Aunt Janice warned me that without a massive fortune held in her hand, what's left of my brain will resemble that of bubble gum splattered all over the walls!

Remember, police. My address is 716 Old Cove Road, with the area code of 38116. Without you, police, my body will be reduced to nothing but an emotionless pile of scattered, burnt waste after it is transported to the incinerator!

Remember, police, this is not a laughing matter. My Aunt Janice stated that she will give no more than thirty minutes to receive her fortune. Otherwise, after the thirty-minute mark, she will put 3 rounds into my skull, and I don’t want my death on CNN, no police.

So the clock is ticking, police. Best of luck to you and myself, and, of course, thanks in advance!


If this article doesn’t work and it takes more than 30 minutes, feel free to press charges!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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