Donald Trump graciously provided an in-depth interview on how he will mold the United States in his own, winning image.
"First off, I will have my picture put on the $100 bill to show the world we are serious about finance. The whole world respects me as a businessman and everyone will want to own their own $100 bill just to stare at the picture and get inspiration," spoke Trump.
"Next, I will have MY personal sculptor begin to add my likeness to Mt. Rushmore to give the American tourist industry a big lift. Tourists will flock to whatever God-forsaken-state that Mt. Rushmore is in just to see it. I will personally fly in for the Grand Opening!" Trump graciously added.
"Then, I plan on sending a copy of my book "The Art of the Deal" to all the world's leaders to let them know just who they are dealing with. If that doesn't get us off to a good start, I don't know what will!" Trump continued.
"Finally, I will have a super-large portrait of myself painted on the wall that will be built all along the Mexican border. This will be able to be seen from space and should be an inspiration to all red-blooded Americans" trumpeted Trump.