Littlejohn Revives Spectre of Yewtree: Let Socrates Rest in Peace! (2/2)

Written by TM_Dealer

Friday, 12 June 2015

Last time, Richard Littlejohn boldly and courageously vindicated the honour of some boring, dusty Athenian smart-arse that nobody gives a crap about.

Nope! I don't mean that postmodern ivory tower casino economics dude from Syriza, but if the cap fits…
Oh wait, that was a bit stereotypically "right-wing" wasn't it? Must be catching, huh?

Yes, in my last column, I was long-windedly holding forth…

Um, stridently lecturing…

Um, tediously ranting…

Um, genially bantering with you all about how it's just a slippery slope™…

And as always, a perfectly plausible, coherent, consistent, falsifiable and empirically testable slippery slope, at that.

I mean, we're not exactly "New of the World," are we?

Yes, always got to set the bar high, that's it ;)

But yes, I'm telling you once more: once you start persecuting dead ancient dusty pedants who don't understand the deeply utilitarian and market-friendly value of education…
Well, you might just end up with the pursuit of more fashionable causes like trendy literacy and numeracy practices, and other forms of pretentious, pompous, PC pseudo-intellectual terrorism…

All at the hardworking British taxpayer's expense™.

(No, when I said "hardworking British taxpayer," I didn't mean it in the patronizing lefty-Labour sense. Still, I mustn't digress. Well, that's something you'd expect some cappuccino-sipping radical feminist Grauniadista to do… but we always give that sort of thing short shrift in this publication).


I mean, to be fair™, we all know and agree the education system in this country isn't perfect by any means…

I'll always be the first to acknowledge that.

I mean all this "media studies" nonsense is a bit pathetic, isn't it?

And my opposition to this pointless soft subject, as always, has absolutely nothing to do with its potentially devastating and circulation-wrecking impact on our sales figures…

And everything in the world to do with the fact that when I first heard about it from a man down the pub™, it just sounded a bit crap, really.

But you know, we should always trust the wisdom of crowds™, and the superior knowledge of the common man™.

That's always been my principle; and needless to say, Paul and Rupert are always going to back me up on that one 100%.

But either way (you know I always have to throw that one in there so you don't think I'm POV-pushing; well, not that an intelligent, common sense, salt-of-the-earth person like you ever would)…

But yes, it's all really rather predictable and PC.

Oh and by the way, you know what I hate about Socrates?

He just couldn't stay on topic at all.

But I didn't want to be all pompous and judgmental like some Independent/Times/Telegraph-reading champagne socialists…

You know, I guess our impartiality at the Daily Mail is our strong point, and is part of what once made Britain great.

One last thing for now. I don't know if you've noticed™, but there aren't many Westminster career politicians™ or unaccountable Brussels Eurocrats™ talking about this topic in recent months.

So, I'll leave it to your own not inconsiderable discretion and intelligence to work out why that is.

Somewhat Disconcerting Final Note from TM_Dealer:

That last sentence should maybe remind us how beneath it all, there is often at, at the very least, a considerable kernel of truth and of legitimate critique within mainstream journalism…

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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