Selected Political News for W/E 12th August 2012 + comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Monday, 13 August 2012

image for Selected Political News for W/E 12th August 2012 + comments
1665 Great Plague of London - 2012 ___?___

Monday 6th Aug
Headline "29 councils axe pest control"
Source: The Sun
Extract: Twenty-nine pest control departments across the UK have closed in two years.

And society's most vulnerable - families who cannot afford to pay private firms to control vermin - are most in danger.

The British Pest Control Association warned that illnesses such as Weil's Disease could increasingly be spread by rats.

Councils carried out 780,000 jobs relating to vermin over the last year.

Private firms charge around £100 for a call-out, with the final bill being potentially much higher.

Comments: 1665 Great Plague of London - 2012 ___?___

Tuesday 7th Aug
Topic: Politics - Boundary changes - Cameron - Clegg
Headline "David Cameron vows to push on with boundary changes"
Source: The Guardian
Extract: David Cameron says he will press ahead with a vote next year on constituency boundary changes that will benefit his party at the next election, even though Nick Clegg has said he will instruct Liberal Democrat MPs to vote down the measures.

Cameron said: "I am going to say to every MP: 'Look, the House of Commons ought to be smaller, less expensive and we ought to have seats which are exactly the same size'.

"I think everyone should come forward and vote for that proposal because it is a very sensible proposal and it will be put forward."

Comments: Crap Cameron... You are a perfect nepotist and proving it by lying about why you intend to change the boundaries Sir!

Wednesday 8th Aug
Topic: Crime - Riots
Headline "Riots: One year on and Cameron's done nothing, warns Tottenham MP David Lammy"
Source: The Mirror
Extract: Britain faces an "age of unrest" because of Government cuts and failure to tackle problems that fuelled last year's riots, Tottenham MP David Lammy has warned.

Speaking on the anniversary of the looting and violence which started in his constituency before spreading across the country, Mr Lammy stressed there are "no excuses" for those who took part.

But sat in a cafe in the heartland of his voters, he warned factors that spur thugs on like joblessness, shortage of police and a gang culture are getting worse in many of the areas which were hit last year.

And the Labour MP demanded a crackdown on firms that cash-in by promoting gangster rap culture.

"These issues are profound and unfortunately, in a double-dip recession, we will see an age of unrest unless these issues are dealt with."

Mr Lammy slammed David Cameron for failing to follow up his "Broken Britain" election rhetoric.

Comments: Be fair Cameron has done a lot... he's cut the police force, cut the military, saved Barclay's bank...

Thursday 9th Aug
Topic: Education - Olympics
Headline "Boris Johnson urges two hours of School PE a day"
Source: BBC News
Extract: School children should be made to do two hours of sport a day as part of the Olympic legacy, Boris Johnson has said.

The London mayor wants to build on the public's renewed appetite for sport, adding it would be "wonderful for kids across this country".

Comments: If we do that, the police will never catch the rioters, muggers and anti-social yobs!

Friday 10th Aug
Topic: Royalty - Olympics
Headline "Duke of Cambridge is forced to miss Olympics closing ceremony"
Source: Telegraph
Extract: The Duke of Cambridge has been told that he must return to his job as a helicopter rescue pilot rather than attend the spectacular London Olympics closing ceremony.

Since he attended the opening ceremony of London 2012, the Duke of Cambridge has been one of Team GB's most regular supporters.
The Olympic ambassador will not, however, attend the closing ceremony on Sunday. "William has thoroughly enjoyed cheering on Team GB and would love to go on Sunday, but he has to return to his job," says one of his friends.

Comments: Oh I do feel sorry for the poor git!

Saturday 11th Aug
Topic: Crime - Riots - Security
Headline "England riots: Plans to ease rules on shop shutters abandoned"
Source: BBC News
Extract: The government has abandoned plans to ease planning restrictions on security shutters for shops.

A consultation by the Department for Communities and Local Government was prompted by last year's riots.

But the consultation, which took the form of letters to local planning chiefs, concluded that it would be a "disproportionate over-reaction"

Comments: An over-reaction? Good God, you can tell they don't have to live in the sort of area I'm imprisoned in... swines!

Sunday 12th Aug
Headline "Nick Clegg says he's open to working with Labour"
Source: The People
Extract: The Lib Dem leader could even stay on as Deputy PM if a general election ­replaced one governing party with another.

His new boss would then be Labour's Ed. And former Prime Minister David Cameron could be facing him across the House - heading the Opposition.

I visited Mr Clegg in his Cabinet office in Whitehall and he told me: "If the British ­people, like they did last time, say no one lot has won, then I'll be open to ­working with other parties."

So, I asked him, if Labour win the most seats can he do business with Miliband?

"Yes," he said, without much hesitation.

Comments: Providing of course he has any MP's left in Parliament - people suffering now through Coalition cut-backs and nepotism will remember!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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