Latest! Amy Winehouse Stalker Sentenced!

Funny story written by Bureau

Friday, 13 November 2009

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"See Her, Amy Jr.?"

The jury has finally decided in the Amy Winehouse stalker case and have declared one Michael Jeppards of New Jersey guilty but insane.

"You honor, this man Jeppards is obviously a mental case. Just look at his diary. "Followed my Amy into the bar on Second Avenue, followed her into another bar on Third and Vine, then followed her to a third bar that I can no longer remember as that was six hours ago."

"Next I followed her into the path of a taxi on Broadway after which I was assisted in following her to the General Hospital where I am lying at present in my bed, exhausted after hopping to the third floor where she lay snoring."

"Wow! Diary. Can she ever snore so beautifully. Like a songhorn."

The judge then asked Jeppards to stand. He tried but fell over the table taking his attorney with him.

"Mr. Jeppards, although the court realizes there are extenuating circumstances. Somebody help him up. Mr. Jeppards, this court hereby orders you to first go back to a hospital DIFFERENT than the one Ms. Winehouse is staying."

"Is she still there?"

"No your honor, she is at an apartment apparently listening to a six-hour tape of William Hung, or it was six hours before our guard became erratic and left."

"So, Mr. Jeppards, you are to return to the hospital you were in and will later be escorted to some Happy Home..."

"Your Honor, I Object!"

"Objection sustained. I apologize. Sent to a nice place with lots of flowers and pretty things to color and cut out."

"I also order a restraining order for Mr. Jeppards. Court dismissed!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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