Amy Winehouse Stars In "The Attack of The Chupacabra"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

image for Amy Winehouse Stars In "The Attack of The Chupacabra"
An actual photo of the Chupacabra which was caught on Amos Bob Figginfacker's Texas ranch, El Rancho Se Habla Grande.

HOLLYWOOD - Silver Screen Films an independent movie company has announced that they have just finished shooting the full-length motion picture The Attack of The Chupacabra.

The movie was filmed on location in the town of Dime Box, Texas. Dime Box is known as "The Guacamole Dip Capital of The World." It is also a town about which Paris Hilton said back in the sizzling summer of 2007, "It's hot!"

The star-studded motion picture directed by Fanton Brasshorn stars Matthew McConaughey, Amy Winehouse, Grandma Lee, Peter Coyote, Salma Hayek, Willie Nelson, Adam Lambert, OctuMom, and introducing the winner of this year's edition of America's Got Talent Kevin Skinner.

McConaughey stars as Dr. Will Boulderwood, an unemployed dentist who moves to Texas from Paramus, New Jersey.

Boulderwood goes down to Texas because he is being stalked by an old crazy girlfriend Chrissy Tannebaum played by the muchly-tattooed Amy Winehouse.

McConaughey soon meets the sensuously good-looking Blusita Lechefria played by the sensuously-accented Salma Hayek.

Miss Lechefria is an unemployed pole dancer who had moved out west from Pensacola Florida, to get away from her jealous boyfriend and mafia hitman Valvestino Bronzoli played by the somewhat semi okay-looking Peter Coyote.

Willie Nelson and Grandma Lee play Harry, and Vittles Prackett who at 84 and 83, happen to be the oldest residents of Dime Box. In fact, when the Pracketts first moved there it was called Penny Hole.

The Pracketts also own The Hot-As-Hell Tamale Diner which is open 23 hours a day and offers a lunch time special of a Mexican plate meal for $2.91 including bottomless ice tea refills and unlimited tortillas.

The genderly genderized Adam Lambert plays Piffy, the only son of Harry and Vittles Prackett, who happens to be somewhat on the gay side.

Pif, as his father calls him, is confused, frustrated and pissed off as hell since he is the only gay person in the entire county.

The fabulously fertile OctuMom plays Petra Rosengold who owns the only motel in town called The Only Motel In Town Motel. She has 14 kids and no husband.

He lowlife husband, Earl Bob supposedly ran off to Austin to find himself. Having fathered 14 kids one would think that Earl Bo would not have any problem whatsoever finding himself.

The Kentucky chicken catcher himself Kevin Skinner in his first movie role plays goat rancher Wyatt Bob Calcutta who lives on The Hankerin' Bar C Ranch.

Wyatt Bobby, as his live-in maid and girlfriend, Cositas calls him has a herd of 71 goats. Sumbitch, as his estranged wife Cora Bob calls him also has a hen house with 49 chickens and one happy-as-all-get-out rooster.

The rooster named Rowdy Yates (after the Clint Eastwood character in Rawhide) is such a happy little feathered fella that every time he sees Wyatt Bob he saunters over to him and gives him a 'wing bump' (i.e. fist bump).

The movie had filming interrupted a total of three times. Twice when two powerful dust devils hit and once when OctuMom and Grandma Lee got into a knock down, drag out fist fight.

Country gal Grandma Lee actually put the hurt on the city slickin' OctuMom who had complained to the director about Grandma Lee making fun of her by showing her how to keep her knees together so that she doesn't end up getting herself knocked up with a passel of babies again.

The movie is scheduled to open in theaters throughout America and the United Kingdom on Christmas Day.

CREDITS: The films director Fanton Brasshorn would like to express his thanks to the real Petra Rosengold owner of the Remuda Inn Motel which doubled as The Only Motel In Town Motel. Also thanks go to Dr. Hippington Umber of the You're Secret Is Safe With Us Clinic in College Station, Texas, for graciously providing the entire cast and crew with those penicillin shots after the movies continuity girl Dotty Fishtruck told McConaughey that she thinks she may have a slight touch of (DISEASE NAME DELETED BY EDITOR TO AVOID ANY UNDUE EMBARRASSMENT TO THE CAST AND CREW).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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