LONDON - Amy Winehouse's brand new, store-bought breasts still have that 'showroom smell.' And millions of people got to see up close the breast enhancement job that her tit specialist, Dr. Shattuck Von Kensington performed.
The brand new musical hooters made an appearance along with their owner Amy Winehouse at the Q Award Show, the United Kingdom's annual music award show.
Dr. Von Kensington, who performed the mam-aug (mammary augmentation) said that the 26-year-old Southgate London natives rack enhancement went very well. He grinned sheepishly and added that the much-tattooed singer now has the 'puppies' of a 19-year-old girl.
The doctor was asked how much the new tata's cost. He smiled and said that Ms. Winehouse got the special celebrity rate which came out to 35,000 pounds for the pair, or broken down, 17,500 pounds per pup.
[WRITER'S NOTE: That comes out to $57,346.48 U.S. or $28,373.24 per tit.]
Ms. Winehouse, who was a scheduled presenter, was of course late. She blamed it on the fact that she had to do something special with her beehive hairdo.
Winehouse, who in terms of facial ugliness is the British equivalent of the American GOPrincess Ann Coulter said that she lost her hairbrush while she was combing her enormous hairdo.
She said that her and her maid, Bippy, looked for the damn hairbrush for 15 minutes and finally Bippy found it. It had somehow become wedged in her cowlick.
Bippy was able to remove the hairbrush with the help of a butter knife, a piece of twine, and a carpenter's chisel.
Ms. Winehouse aka "The Tattoo Tart" hurried off to the Q Awards Show. She told her driver to drive as fast as his damn car would go. In the process the driver sideswiped a double-decker bus, a cement truck, a police car, and ran over two cats, who amazingly will be okay in about three days.
Winehouse was supposed to co-present an award, with reggae singer Don Letts, to The U.K. Special Forces Band, but the award had to be pushed back into the show due to Winehouse's tardiness.
Finally it was agreed upon that Letts would make the presentation by himself. As he was in the middle of his presentation the late singer, ah make that the tardy singer showed up.
She was wearing a black and pink miniskirt and a black flowery corset. As she ran up to the stage to join Letts in making their presentation Winehouse's two sweater treats popped out exposing her recent 'jugs job.'
The entire studio audience as well as the viewing audience at home got to see Amy's new 'rack' as well as her proud 'pencil erasers.'
Letts was not at all happy with her showing up late as if it was no big deal. He called her a tardy tart who has no regard for anyone except for herself.
He went on and said that she should have taken the 35,000 pounds that she spent on her 'boob boosting' and used it to buy her about a month's worth of charm lessons, etiquette lessons, and lessons on basic decency.
He then told her that her hair looked positively horrible and he asked her if she had combed the mutha [F WORD DELETED BY EDITOR] with firecrackers.
He then went on to say that he has seen butts on chimpanzees that were cuter than her face. He said that it looked as if she had been beaten repeatedly with a clarinet.
When Amy began to speak the entire audience began booing. She flipped them off and said that she was going to go back home. The audience stood up and gave her a thunderous standing ovation.
Led Zeppelin's Lead Singer Robert Plant, who was off stage waiting to make an award presentation, looked at Winehouse as she walked by him and he told her to please take a nice, long bath as soon as possible. He pinched his nostrils together and said that the way she smells even the ants will not get near her.
In a related story. The Cheerio Survey Agency based in Portsmouth, England, has just reported that the Amy Winehouse Halloween Trick or Treat mask was the United Kingdom's second most popular Halloween mask being out sold only by the Elton John Halloween Trick or Treat mask.