Star Trek - The End

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 1 July 2009


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image for Star Trek - The End
Bang! And The Story Was Gone...

The end is nigh.

Hurtling towards a humungous black hole, Captain Buck Kirk proudly mans the bridge of the Enterprise, lantern jaw sticking out in a bold gesture of defiance, although he fully appreciates that the ship will shortly be vaporised.

Spock places a gentle hand on Captain Buck Kirk's upper arm, but not in a gay way, and says:

"It's over Captain. It's all over. There's nothing we can do now."

Morph springs from Ensign Bitters' cleavage, morphing back into a human being.

"Shit," he says. "I could've stayed in there forever,cunningly disguised as a bead of sweat. We came on a mission and you guys have steered us into a big black hole! You bastards!"

Sulu just looks on, lost for words.

Ensign Bitters starts to tremble as she realises her fate is sealed. She sobs uncontrollably. Her ample bosom heaves and judders like jelly on a plate.

"Fuck me!" says ensign Turse. "Look at the bumpers on MB! I wish I'd had the foresight to disguise myself as a bead of sweat and got lodged in there!"

Spock remains calm, logical, despite having pointed ears.

Ensign Skoob lurks in the background. Never usually stuck for words but unable to get the idea out of his head that if United had played Rooney down the middle then they might be European soccerball champions.

He is worried. But can't help casting a sneaky glance at Ensign Bitters' heaving cleavage and wondering what he's missed. He feels a stirring in his trousers which he can't dismiss, even though he's going to be dead in a minute or two.

Starship Commander QM turns to Sergeant J-Man and says, "This is it. Like the Jackson tour. I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for hon," Sergeant J-Man tells her. "I love you. I've always loved you."

They kiss, like Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Winslett in 'Titanic.'

The orchestra starts to play a melancholy tune.

Spock looks at Captain Buck Kirk.

"Stop fuckin lookin at me like that!" Buck Kirk shouts. "I'm not gay! I fucking told you that in no uncertain terms!"

And then...

Oblivion as the Enterprise disintegrates in the big black hole at the edge of the universe...

Excepting possibly James Bond. More on that later.

(If I missed anybody out here I extend my apologies. But it's late, I'm tired, and somebody had to bring some closure to this. From me personally, thanks to all who took part. It's been challenging but a pleasure."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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