London - (ReUterus & Sordid Ass Mess): Ex-UK Prime Monster has been dealt a body blow by reports that he knew daftass F1 midget Bernie Eclestone fathered Culture Secretary Tessa Jowl.
Secret documents obtained under the Freedom of Disnformation Act also show that he cherrypicked his winning 1997 team because of their bastardly parentage.
"Former Drowning Street press chief Alistair Campbell is Neil Kinnock's spawn," a Whitehole source said today.
"And Jowl saved Campbell's arse with that masterful cover story of his 1986 nervous breakdown after he was caught spying for the Chinese."
Bernie Ecclestone is an escapee from HMP Broadmoor's notorious Yorkshire Terriror (sic) Wing.