UFO Mind Control by Billy Bob

Funny story written by Cal Jennings

Monday, 4 June 2007

Me, Roger, & the boys went down to tha crik and burned a cross fer George Dubbya last night. We nailed a life sized effa... effe... affe... dummy of Ron Paul on it afore we lit it. Aftur it went out, we saw one of them real live UFOs! I think I was aducted cause I been fergittin things, specially when I smoke one of them funny cigarettes what mah son brings home frum school.

Hail, them fellers up thar in D.C. is jus waistin thar time runnin fer president. Our Supreme commander guy'll be announcin his dicktaturship soon. (See National Continuity Policy http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2007/05/20070509-12.html)

Them Republicrat fellers asked me fer permission to drill my back 40 fer oil. Whut do I care? I kain't grow nuthin back thar anyway. Besides, them Iraqis has thar hands around are throats and we needs thuh oil. How else am I gonna fuel mah Hummer? I told 'em I'd cunsider it mah patriotic duty ta let 'em drill. Nuthin' lives thar but a spotted owl, some bald eagles, and sum gray wolves.

Since that Ron Paul feller is out her on thuh internets causin' trouble fer are good Nazi Republicrats runnin' fer office, I'm gonna' put reel hard fer that North American Union. That'll give us Nazi Republicrats more votes when them little gray people take over (an give me more peeple to sell white lightnin' too too). George Bush says we gotta be nice to 'em when they invade cause they're gonna cure homosexuals. Just to be sure, though, I'm gonna show ya' how to keep your mind frum bein controlled by them little fellers.

Ya just take some aluminim foil, like this, and make it into a hat like this. Be sure it's pointy at the top. Be sure don't ta fergit ta put a piece of paper in the top, cause paper's an insulater, and it helps thwart them alien mind control signals reel gud. Then, put it on yer head, like so, bein' sure it covers yer ears so all thuh brain is safe frum them waves.

I hear Ron Paul supports Freedom of Religion like it says in the Constitution an thuh Declarashun of Independance. We kain't have no Republicrat fella what supports thuh Constitushun. It ain't safe. It ain't rite! Republicrats are supposet ta proteck us frum terrerists in this time of war. Can't ya see all them Islamalist Fundamentalisms attackin' everyone on thuh street corner? Ah'll bet I have one hidin' in my broom closet. We shud round up all them Islamalists an' put 'em in a concentrahun camp and burn 'em like Hitler did to them damn Jews. We shud make George W. Bush the head of the new State Church when he takes over as dicktatur. He's our good Christian president. Like thuh bible says, "An eye for a tooth," I always say. We ougta take Jesus name outa the Bible and put George Bush's name in it. That Jesus was just a damn Jew anyway, comin ta save the Jewish peeple. How it got spred to tha rest uv us, ah'll never know.

Well, I'm jest about outa time on this here YouTube, so don't ya fergit, now. Don't vote fer that Ron Paul feller who wants to restore the Constitution an' thuh Bill of Rights. It ain't safe... an' don't fergit ta wear yer tin foil helmets, spechilly around thuh microwave oven. I hear there usin' microwaves ta' control minds. Y'all come back now.

The End

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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