New York Times Endorses Ron Paul

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Wednesday, 30 May 2007

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Ron Paul likes the New York Times, but he loves

In a surprise move today, the New York Times endorsed Republican candidate Ron Paul for the 2008 presidential election.

Times Publisher Arthur Ochs Sulzberger announced the decision: "I've been a closet Ron Paul supporter for some time now. We in the mainstream media have failed to cover different kinds of candidates, and Ron Paul is someone who deserves coverage, and our support."

Executive Editor Bill Keller also spoke at the press conference: "So many of us in the newsroom have been upset about the war, and looking for a candidate who opposed the war from the beginning. Ron Paul is the only one with credibility on this, the biggest issue in American today."

Several candidates responded to the endorsement. Republican Rudy Giuliani called it "outrageous and absurd," adding that he'd "never heard of Ron Paul." John McCain said he "couldn't care less what those idiots at that liberal rag think." Mitt Romney put in a bid to buy the company.

On the Democratic side, John Edwards applauded the endorsement, saying he likes Ron Paul too: "The guy has great hair!" Hillary Clinton had no comment, but a YouTube video showed steam coming out of her ears and what appears to be a reptilian tail peeking out of the back of her pants.

Ron Paul accepted the endorsement gracefully, noting his appreciation for the Times and how "they seem to appreciate the Constitution these days.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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