A Private Letter to Dick Cheney

Funny story written by Linguini

Sunday, 18 April 2004

image for A Private Letter to Dick Cheney
Bucks for Cheney in Iraq!

Dear Dick,

As a die-hard Republican conservative and Haliburton supporter, - "What's good for Haliburton in Iraq is good for America!", - it's distressing to learn that the Administration's "staying the course" now apparently means adopting a 180-degree shift in policy from "going it alone" ("To hell with world opinon!") toward "letting the U.N. handle the mess we've created in Iraq!"
Dick, I'm hoping that this apparent shift in policy is a mere rhetorial sop to our traditional allies, i.e., that we secretly have no intention of relinquishing any oversees political power which might risk Haliburton's ability to get oil contracts there.
As you know, our getting these oil contracts in Iraq was the real reason we went to war in Iraq. The "WMD" argument, well, that was b......t, as we've more recently discovered.
Despite George W's recent lip service to the U.N. and our traditional allies, I have faith in you to do what is right for Haliburton, and hence America. Let's win the peace we won last May and get those oil contracts: many young American soldiers have already died to give Haliburton the chance we need.
Stay the course. Keep George W. telling us that to achieve democracy in Iraq that all we have to do is to neutralize the "small band of thugs" over there(!). That sells well in Middle America to people who know virtually nothing about the Arab World. Keep shoveling out the b......t. Even CIA head, George "Slam Dunk" Tenent, eats it up!
Stay the course, Dick, even if you have no idea how many years it will take to achieve the goal of "a democratic Iraq" after 11 centuries of Muslim non-democratic rule there. We must seek out and destroy Evil wherever it may interfere in our getting oil contracts. (What's that smell in the air? It's not oil yet.) That's the bottom line.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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