Crystal Harris Says Sex With Hugh Hefner Lasted Two Seconds - Hef Says She's A Liar And Is Off By Seven Seconds At Least

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 2 August 2011


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image for Crystal Harris Says Sex With Hugh Hefner Lasted Two Seconds - Hef Says She's A Liar And Is Off By Seven Seconds At Least
This is a $700,000 diamond pendant that Hugh Hefner gave to Crytal but now demands she return.

HOLMBY HILLS - Crystal Harris The 25-year-old Playboy Playmate that would have become the latest Mrs. Hugh Hefner has come out revealing some extremely intimate bedroom facts that she says are true and which Hefner says are lies flowing from the mouth of an ungrateful, unappreciative, unorgasmic ex-fiancee

Crystal Harris who dumped the 85-year-old Playboy mogul just four days before their big "Rice Day" revealed to Hacienda Dakota of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis that in the two years that she resided in the Playboy Mansion as El Hefner's girlfriend that she never even once saw him naked.

Dakota asked "Not even once?" And Harris replied, that she has no earthly idea what Hefner's dinky dink even looks like. Dakota giggled and asked "His dinky dink?"

"Yes Dakky," Crystal noted as she said "You know his bibbidy boo, his wiggle waggle, his groin gizmo, or as they call it up in Seattle his tuna town tickler.

Dakota started laughing. She told Crystal that she was from Dallas and down in Big D they just call it a pecker or in most cases a great big ol' pecker.

Crystal, who isn't exactly the brightest star in the galaxy asked, "You mean like the Costa Rican nursery rhyme Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peckers?"

Dakota laughed and said yes, but that she was pretty sure that the nursery rhyme actually was originally translated from Cambodian.

Dakota then asked Crystal if the rumor that was going around Southern California that the one time that she did have sex with Hef that it only lasted two seconds was true.

Harris blushed, took a puff of her Virginia Slim Cigarette, and a drink from her Anaconda Shooter and verified that it was indeed a true fact.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Hugh Hefner was contacted by Hacienda Dakota and told about Crystal's two second claim. Hefner became very upset and angrily replied that Crystal was lying because it had really been more like nine seconds at the very least.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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