Ashley Cole Denies Sending Cheryl X-Factor Death Threats

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 7 October 2010


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Nothing Whatsoever To Do With Anything - Just A Bloke With A Broom.

Insiders informed us this morning that Ashley Cole has vehemently denied sending his ex-wife Cheryl death threats on the interweb dot net over her decision to overlook Gamu Nhengu on the X-Factor in favour of frail and vulnerable Cher Lloyd, and blue movie "tits out for the lads" starlet Katie Waissel.

"Ashley didn't send Cheryl any death threats," a source told us. "He's not that kind of a guy. Despite what people think of him, he's quite an honest guy really. A bit of a big-headed egotistical twat occasionally, but basically he's honest enough. He didn't deny texting Cheryl pics of his cock and balls, and his Calvin Klein underpants, even though he has no recollection of the event."

One person who did send Cheryl death threats was identified in the British tabloids as Sanussi Ngoy Ebonda, a Congo born Tottenham based workshy benefit scrounger and racist motherfucker who was upset because "the black girl didn't get through."

Apparently all this malarkey has really upset Cheryl, and she was so distraught that she had to call in a security firm based in Egham to set up a further 3,000 alarms in her Hertfordshire mansion. Including motion sensors, pressure pads, CCTV and blasts of compressed air up the trouser leg in order to deter racist benefit cheats from threatening to do her harm.

Ashley was last seen touching his toes at a Chelsea training session, which some observers viewed as a dangerous game to play when one is surrounded by rent boys.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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