NEW YORK CITY - Radio talk show host Howard Stern has remarked that the humongous Oscar nominee for Best Actress Gabourney Sidibe (pronounced PLEASE DON'T SIT ON ME) will never make another movie, TV commercial, infomercial, public service announcement, or anything that involves a video camera.
Sidibe was nominated for her role in the movie Precious, which is the code name that Sidibe's character Jemina LeBlob uses when referring to food.
The Sternster said that he has no idea how in the world the film's cameramen were able to fit all of her 603 pound body into the screen shot.
Sidibe pulled up to the Academy Award festivities in a rented U-Haul truck. As she was getting out of the back, she slipped on a pizza and almost fell when she was getting out of the truck. But luckily she fell on Queen Latifah, who ain't no slouch herself in the weight department.
Ryan Seacrest remarked that if Gabby, as her grocer calls her, had fallen on skinny little Sandra Bullock there would have been nothing left of the actress but her size A-cup bra, a tampon, and the little lips that kissed Meryl Streep's lips.
Hollywood producers and directors all agree that movie parts for the 600 plus pounder will be extremely limited. One director who did not want to be identified said that the only part he could imagine Sidibe playing would be the part of Moby Dick the whale. He paused and then added "And she she would have to lose about 150 pounds to do that."
Another director who also asked to remain nameless was Lester Dustbonker, Jr., who said that she could probably portray a float in the Rose Bowl Parade, a World War 2 German tank, or work as a double for the Goodyear Blimp.
At any rate like GOP princess Ann Coulter said, "Mutha F'er the black chick is bigger than my whole damn two-story house for goodness sakes! That's right hon, shove another Butterball turkey down your throat."
And the star of the reality show My Life On The D List, Kathy Griffin remarked, "I'll say one thing for the tubster, if she ever falls down at a McDonald's she will easily knock out the customer counter, the ice cream dispenser, the French fry vat, the grill, the drive thru window, and every friggin' Big Mac and McNugget in the whole damn place."
In a related story. Tomorrow is National Fat Day. So please be sure to invite a fat person out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
