DES MOINES, Iowa - Kathy Griffin was in Des Moines appearing as the keynote speaker at the Annual Convention of The Iowa Crop Rotators Association.
She was asked what she liked the best about Iowa. She answered, "Who the hell said that I liked anything about Iowa?'"
"Just kidding." She fired back.
She then went on to say that one thing she liked about Iowa was the smell of corn cobs in the morning.
Griffin was asked if it was true that she had turned down the part of Ann Coulter in Bellanino Terrabini's The Life Story of Ann Coulter.
Kathy said that she sure had. Someone in the audience yelled out "why?" Griffin paused, flung her red hair back, and said, "I turned the part of Ann Coulter down because I was not tall enough, skinny enough, or sarcastic enough."
She then said, but enough about that anorexic-looking blonde bitch.
I have only been in Iowa 24 hours and I already know too much about this little anvil-looking state. I heard that the state's number one natural resource is creek water.
I also heard that the Iowa state slogan is "Corn - It Goes With Everything."
And I was informed just a few minutes ago that the word Iowa is Brulé Sioux for "Keep going west young man."
Last night one of the maids at the hotel where I am staying, The Cornshuckers Arms told me the name of the state song. I did not believe her but she said that she wasn't kidding.
She told me that the Iowa state song is "Iowa My Iowa, Dammit I Have Got To Get My Ass Out Of Iowa."
In other news. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi wants it made perfectly clear that not only has she never gone to bed with Tiger Woods, she has never even heard any of his rap songs.