HOLLYWOOD - The reality television voter tabulating agency known as Voters Vote Auditors of America (VVAA) has just informed the F Network that last years American Idol vote tally was off, way off.
Last year out of 700 TV critics that followed the American Idol competition a total of 697 stated that Adam Lambert would be the winner over Kris Allen.
But on the night of the "Results Show" Allen was named the winner much to the extreme surprise of Kris Allen himself who later said that Adam should have won since he was clearly the much better singer.
The VVAA was quickly contacted by representatives of The National Hey People Let's Keep It Fair Organization, which is based in Philadelphia, and whose sole purpose is to see that the voting process is 100 percent honest.
The VVAA noted that out of the 50 states that were audited, 49 were right on the money. The only state that showed to have a discrepancy, and a major one at that was Arkansas, which just happens to be Kris Allen's home state.
Tennyson Kex of the VVAA said that it is not unusual for an American Idol contestant to carry his or her own state such as Adam Lambert carrying California, Carrie Underwood carrying Oklahoma, and Kelly Clarkson carrying Texas, but in the case of Arkansas that was actually not the case.
The original tally of votes from the anvil-looking state of Arkansas showed that Lambert had only received 17 votes where as Kris Allen had received 62,984,813 votes.
Mr. Kex remarked that he doesn't know where the Arkansas vote talliers learned to count but the actual numbers were 3,971,602 for Lambert and 4,927 for Allen.
The director of The Arkansas Vote Counting Committee, Earl Bob McBiscuit was asked why the numbers were so far off. McBiscuit shook his head and replied that perhaps a tornado had hit the building where the AVCC is housed and the vote sheets must have flown all over the place.
When informed that Little Rock's radio station KROC-69 "The Country KROC" on your radio dial, verified that no tornado had hit on that date or 10 days on either side of that date Mr. McBiscuit turned red and asked if maybe it had perhaps been a hurricane.
He was told that no hurricane had not had hit Arkansas or the United States for that matter. McBiscuit simply said that in that case he had no idea what the hell had happened but that he was going to investigate and get to the bottom of the vote mess.
McBiscuit was shown a video tape, which one of his staff members had secretly made of him, which clearly shows him saying to his staff "Folks lissen up here now. I says ta y'all dat der is no way dat da state of Arkansas is gonna lets no lipstick-wearin', eye-liner wearin', bra-wearin' California sissy fruit flake nut beat our good good old decent, corn flake eatin', ice-tea drinkin', Rush Limbaugh lovin' Krissy."
When McBiscuit saw the video he turned as red as an Arkansas tomato, which is as red, as an Idaho potato is brown.
SIDENOTE: The Voters Vote Auditors of America has shown without a shadow of a doubt that a vote irregularity did in fact occur. Director McBiscuit, his assistant Connie Fellerfun, and McBiscuit's two ex-wives Cronisha May Phillapetti-McBiscuit and May Anne Dimpleboxer-McBiscuit have all been arrested and charged with first-degree vote fixing. The charges can result in a fine of up to $95,000, eleven years in prison, and the forfeiting of all farm tools and equipment including ho's, picks, shovels, tractors, combines, and work dungarees (overalls).
